Monday, August 1, 2011

Nervous Anticipation

YouNeedSo I know that I have a maintenance / warning spanking coming my way on Thursday, to ensure that I'm reminded of what waits for me when we get back from the beach if I decide to play up. Knowing that it's coming, at least for me, is far worse than having one hang over my head on a daily basis if I misbehave. It's actually very weird, because it seems to play havoc with my mind. I know it's going to be a punishment spanking, I know that it's really going to hurt, and whats worse is that after Saturdays spanking I don't think J will will be holding back as much. I just have this voice in the back of my mind saying that she is going to want to leave a memorable impression this time, if for no other reason than to make a point, but I could be wrong. Which is the problem, I have little voices in the back of my mind torturing me, so with every day that passes a feeling of nervous anticipation keeps on building. It certainly feels like a powerful psychological tool, and one that could be very well utilized on J's part if she saw it the same way. Having her come up behind me, giving me a quick swat with her hand, and then having her whispering to me that I was going to feel the painful intensity of whatever instrument she favored at her earliest convenience, before walking away like nothing had just happened could be a somewhat torturous experience.

Making that anticipation worse, because I seem to be a glutton for punishment, I've made J aware of my curiosity with the belt. To the extent that I hung one up in her closet along side the cane - I really can be an idiot sometimes. My brain finally caught up with my impusive mistake this morning, so I gave my hand a quick swat with it, and I'm starting to think that I've made a big mistake, because that thing freakin hurts! Like no kidding Sherlock, what was you expecting? Anyway, given that I acted before thinking it through, and given that she's probably already seen the belt hanging, it's probably too late to retract that as a tool in her slowly growing arsenal of weaponry to keep me in line. I don't dare take it down in case she thinks I purposely hid it, but I also don't know for sure if she has seen it - I'm in mental anguish here! There again, J's a big softy, so she might allow me to take it back down - yeah I know, wishful thinking. The only thing that I probably have going for me, where the belt is concerned, is that she hasn't used one before, so her unpracticed technique might initially give me some reprieve.

I think this morning was about as close as I've come to getting an on the spot behavior spanking, because I realized, after the fact, that I was probably bordering on the edge of disrespect. Making J set the alarm for 8am, then pretty much ignoring it, and waiting for her to get up was probably a little disrespectful. Luckily, J still seems to be in her happy lenient frame of mind, so I got away with that one. I wouldn't say that it's confusing, but the boundary line is still a tad blurry in terms of knowing what I can and cannot get away with. I'm wary of testing the boundaries, because I know my butt would seriously pay for it. So far I've been lucky enough to have not yet to crossed over the behavior line, forcing her to send a behavior spanking my way. To some extent, that is having a similar effect on me in regards to anticipation, because I don't really know what to expect from one of those types of spankings. On saying that, it probably isn't something I want to find out, and will to some degree depend on how pissed off she is with whatever I do. What's worse, is that she's starting to get clued in on severity, as well as technique.


  1. You two NEED to communicate so that there is a definite boundary NOT to be crossed. You need to sit down with her and draw up some specific guidelines. You should have NO doubt as to why you are going to get punished or not!! I detest the idea that you are NOT sure as to whether you are CROSSING A LINE or not!! Otherwise you wind up "walking around on egg shells"! Not a HEALTHY way to have a marriage--smothers COMMUNICATION!!

    She needs to be FULLY AWARE of your sense of well-being, not just how much suffering that she can bring you!

    Again her being "pissed-off" is not an effective way for her to judge her discipline of you!! This whole practice NEEDS to be done out of caring and love--every thing will go BETTER that way!!!!!!!

    I'll be watching,


  2. Bob, I appreciate your comments, but I will have to respectfully say that we have extremely good communication between us. It may not seem that way based on what you've read, but what you have read here is not necessarily indicative of the reality of our dynamic. We are new to this dynamic, and I assure you that we're approaching this safe and sane way.