Sunday, August 21, 2011

Change: A Moment of Reflection

serenityI've spent the last few days reflecting back on how life was a month ago, and the to say that there have been significant changes would be a gross understatement.

A month ago I was living a pretty selfish and self absorbed life, with J being left to deal with my annoying and frustrating behaviors. We weren't at each others throats, in fact I don't think I can ever recollect any arguments where voices have been raised, because that's not how either one of us dealt with anger and frustration. To some extent, we became masters of passive aggressiveness, which normally resulted in many hours (or days in some extreme cases) of silent treatment. Looking back, I can see so clearly now how unhealthy that type of behavior was, and it has no place in any marriage - yet alone ours!

DD, as I've mentioned before, was my idea - at least I think it was.  Although now that I think back, the re-emergence of DD in our relationship happened as a result of J reaching for a paddle that was laying around, and telling me to assume the position for something that I had just done - basically she had been pushed too far and it caught her eye, and out of other options she decided to give that a try.

Why did we have a paddle laying around one might ask, given that we weren't involved in spanking at that point? That's a good question, and the easy answer is that it was left over, and escaped the sex toy genocide from a couple of years ago, but had somehow made it down to J's desk over a period of time - there it say idle for a long time.

That was a very pivotal point, because in the past any spanking that we had meddled with was orientated towards a sexual erotic context. That spanking was very different, because there was no sexual contact, and was all business. That was something that I had never experienced before, and in all honesty it messed with my head and turned my world upside down. To say that it was unpleasant, again would be a vast understatement, because it left an immediate impression; furthermore, it was one that I wasn't keen on repeating, but as they say, the damage was done.

The following day, still nursing a somewhat sore bottom, I finally made a significant breakthrough where I understood the difference between a punishment spanking and an erotic one. I had always had the two mixed and confused as one and the same, but that light bulb was now shining very bright. It was at that point that I told J that for the first time in my life I experienced a very real and painful consequence as a result of my actions. That naturally led into a discussion about possibly implementing the need for some form of DD dynamic into our relationship, and the rest is now history.

So here we are today, about one month later, and the changes in our marriage and relationship with each other has been nothing short of miraculous. Communication is at an all time high (hey Bob, how you doing today?), J seem unbelievably happier than I've seen her in a long long time, and I'm a different person than I was. I'm still a long way from perfect, but it's amazing what changes you can make in your life when there is the threat of corporal punishment hanging over your head 24/7.

On a personal level, I'm a lot more attentive towards J, and I'm treating her more like the Princess that she deserves to be. I'm finally exercising on a very regular basis, eating a lot healthier, and as of this week I'm now well versed in the art of giving J a manicure and pedicure! In short, my life has stopped revolving around me, and has started to revolve around us, with specific focus on J. After some fifteen years of marriage, I can't even begin to describe how amazing it feels to still look at your partner and feel so much love and admiration for that person.

Would I change anything that's happened over the last month? In a word, no, absolutely not. I wish we had implemented a DD dynamic in our marriage years ago, but there's no point dwelling on the what ifs. I would recommend DD to any wife whose husband drives them insane, because it has the potential to change your life for the better.


  1. You are a good man, J--probably better than most!! lol!


  2. What a great post. I've certainly been spanked a bunch, and sometimes hard (!)...but never really in punishment mode. I think I can see the benefits and changes (admittedly, a bit) in what you say. Thanks!