It Burns! Run Forest, Run!

There are occasions where, for a variety of reasons, a spanking cannot be delivered. As such, we’ve been on the lookout for ‘silent’ remedies that can be applied, especially when louder and more conventional means are not a viable option.

Two such options that came up from research included capsaicin cream and ginger roots, which I’m sure comes as no surprise to the majority of readers. The capsaicin cream, which can be applied to either the buttocks, and/or for the more insane among us the nipples, can also be applied very quickly and efficiently. The application of the ginger root however, while certainly a quieter option than a traditional spanking, does appear to require a little more preparation time, and may also require a greater period of time be set aside in order to apply the treatment.

I’ve yet to be submitted to the ginger root, luckily the grocery store didn’t have any that J deemed suitable for her purposes; however, she did find, and purchased, the capsaicin cream that is pictured above. If your wife or partner start looking at this stuff, run, run as fast as humanly possible and don’t stop, don’t look back, just keep running – trust me!

As fate would have it, J didn’t have to wait long in order to request my presence in the bathroom. She applied a liberal dose of the cream, and was done in all of twenty or so seconds. To add insult to injury she also wore latex gloves, so I couldn’t even have the satisfaction of knowing that her hands and fingers were burning. My initial reaction was something like, well dang, this isn’t so bad; however, within two to three minutes it really ramped up, and OMG it burned, and it burned real bad. A few minutes in J started to feel a little bad for me, and told me that I could go remove it if I wanted. I practically ran to the bathroom. Newsflash, don’t bother trying, once it’s on it’s there to stay, and you have no choice but to let it run it’s course. Truth be told, I would rather have endured an very severe real spanking, because that stuff is plain nasty. If you sit down, it warms your butt, and increases the heat from the cream.

I’m beginning to really worry about her finding a suitable ginger root now, because that’s an internal burning sensation, and from all accounts is meant to be pretty intense. J did wonder if she could get a horseradish root, and use that instead, which I think is meant to be even worse. I don’t know how it happened, but I’ve unlocked J’s inner sadist.

She has also decided that she thinks that maintenance spankings will also be a very good idea, and as such has decided to use Monday mornings for that ritual event. For now, she also wants them to be a weekly occurrence, with additional sets being dished out on top of the maintenance to deal with issues that are outstanding, issues that require motivation, or issues where she thinks a suitable reminder is required.

Things are most definitely back on track, and she is adamant that she doesn’t want another repeat of October!

Sore, Bruised, but Very Happy!

Well dang, I can’t believe that it’s November already. To say the least my blogging last month was nothing short of abysmal, which wasn’t really my intention. Ironically, J and I both agree that had I made the effort to post at least once a week then October probably wouldn’t have deteriorated the way it did, at least in terms of the DD side of our marriage.

Determined to start November off in a more positive DD light, J administered what I can only describe as the most severe DD session that I’ve been given to date. Once again I prepared the punishment area for her, laid out her implements, striped naked, and had to wait in position until she was ready to administer the punishment. I don’t know how long I was in position for, or how many strokes/swats I was given, but it most definitely wasn’t a quick affair. It definitely felt long, and was most certainly very painful – as it should be, given that it was a punishment spanking. What I do know, is that she applied the discipline session on Tuesday, and here on Thursday I’m still extremely conscious of it’s application when I walk, sit, or move. I may well have skated through October, but rest assured she made sure that I paid in full for the spankings that I should have received.

J has also added three new implements to her growing arsenal, which came in the form of switches – one that’s thin and whippy, a medium thickness one, and a heavier one. Much to her delight, we have an almost unlimited supply of suitable trees, and as such they can provide her with a limitless supply of switches whenever she desires them, and in a variety of thicknesses to suit her needs. That was my first experience with a switch, and at first I didn’t think it would be that much different than my experiences with the cane. Well that was an incorrect assumption, especially with the thinner whippy switches. It’s also a very surreal experience going out to cut an implement that you know your going to be punished with, and yet it was also strangely arousing as well.

Anyway, the switches most definitely left their mark – especially the thinner whippier ones. She’s certainly getting her techniques down that’s for sure, and I can safely say that I’ve got some deep bruising from the paddling that she gave me.

That session was also the first time where I experienced a sense of complete submission, in the sense that I got to a point where I lost the desire to fight against the pain and just accept it. That was also a fairly surreal experience, more so because I knew I fully deserved what I was getting. Normally what J stops the punishment and tells me that I can get up, there is this overwhelming sense of relief that it’s finally over; however, in this case, while I was glad that the pain had finally stopped, there was a part of me that also felt strangely disappointed that it was over. I don’t know if that was connected to the fact that I had completely surrendered to the punishment, or if it’s because I was carrying so much guilt over from the past month. Either way, it’s not something that I’ve experienced before.

We’ve also started talking about me becoming more submissive in our relationship. As I’ve said before, we’ll never be what others deem as a complete and proper FLR – at least not by the conventional definitions; however, on a day to day level, acts of submission, acts of service, body worship, orgasm denial, and being made to wear her mark are all potentially on the table to some degree. So we’re still actively looking at establishing our own brand of FLR, or FLS as I prefer to call it (Female Led Submission).

As for the DD side, we’re re-evaluating the need for regular maintenance spankings. October made it very clear to us both that DD takes work on both of our parts, and if one of us slides, or slips into our old routines, then it’s easy for the whole thing to degenerate back into life as it was prior to introducing DD. It’s very clear that neither one of us wants that, and I’m actually glad. Anyway, with regular maintenance spankings that removes the possibility of that happening again, but we’ve yet to set anything in stone on that front. J is doing a lot of evaluating this week, in terms of what SHE wants, and if she decides that SHE wants to administer maintenance spankings then she will let me know how that will go down. We also need to talk about motivation, expectations, and review the list of rules.

So that’s pretty much where we are right now, but it feels like we’re starting to get back on track. J has pretty much recovered completely from her surgery that she had in September, but her energy levels are way down as a by product. I just need to be patient with her, but it’s clear that she wants DD in our marriage so that doubt in my mind has been calmed – she made that very clear on Tuesday!

Ready To Hit The Reset Button!

I’m long overdue on making a blog post here, but for various reasons we seem to have hit some kind of roadblock or set back on the DD front - or at least it appears that way; however, as per usual it’s not quite as clean cut as that, because various comments from J this week seem to indicate that if I wasn’t sick and floating on Nyquil my ass would be well and truly blistered right now. So to some extent I’m getting a lot of mixed messages, and I’m not sure where we stand right now.

The short of it is that for a multitude of reasons, where both of us have been at fault, the last three weeks or so we haven’t really been connecting on and emotional level in our relationship. It’s clear that feelings have been hurt on both sides due to a variety of unrelated events, and that for the most part has caused us both to pull back emotionally. I’m guilty of letting myself wallow in negative feelings and letting them fester for so long, and to be blunt, J is guilty of tolerating and letting me get away with it. As a direct result it’s very evident that reoccurrences of bad habits, behaviors, disrespect, passive aggressive bullshit, and emotional manipulation on my part have all resurfaced. I think to some degree she seems to have lost that edge of disciplinary confidence, an edge that she had just started to take hold of prior to her surgery. Sitting here now I can honestly say that I miss that edge, and I hope that she reclaims back that authoritative demeanor very soon.

It would be easy for me to look back and start criticizing J, but that wouldn’t be fair – especially when I share an equal amount of guilt over where we are right now; however, it does seem fairly clear that so much of the bullshit, frustration, and unhappiness over the past three or so weeks could have been curtailed quickly had J just taken me in hand, and actively demonstrated that she wasn’t going to tolerate it anymore. That doesn’t mean she is solely to blame for where we now find ourselves, because I need to take ownership of my actions, attitudes, and behaviors which seem to have dragged this out for so long. All I can say at this point is that I’m ready to start over, because I don’t like where we are right now and this needs to stop. Hopefully we can learn from the last couple of weeks, and not allow it to happen again.

So, at this point it feels like we are at a definitive set of crossroads, where J has the opportunity to reflect and re-evaluate where she is in regards to DD, and also the implications behind that evaluation. I also think that the past couple of weeks have clearly demonstrated that, like marriage, DD isn’t going to be an easy road to travel. Clearly, in order for it to be effective and to work, it’s also going to take work and effort on both our parts. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you view it, at times that is also going to mean stepping outside of our comfort zones – but isn’t that what makes us grow?

Not Quite Back To Normal, Yet!

Well, it's been close to three weeks since J's surgery, and she is still in what I would consider to be recovery mode. Having said that, last week she removed any doubt from my mind that she could still wield a paddle if necessary, and gave me a quick taste to prove it. Admittedly, it was obvious to us both afterwards that I got off quite lightly, but that's fine given that I was more worried about J popping a stitch. Luckily for me she didn’t bring out the cane, and I say luckily because I’ve yet to experience it now that we’ve possibly pinpointed the flaw in her delivery technique. Something tells me the next caning from J will be a lot more severe.

Anyway, even though she says that she is feeling fine, I still find myself wanting to err on the side of caution - especially where any form of strenuous spanking activity is concerned. Granted, she has made a couple of comments this week to indicate that she thinks I'm long overdue a good hard spanking, but nothing has transpired. I'm hesitant to suggest that J has taken a step back in terms of authority and control, but the comments this week have been more passive than usual and it does make me wonder a little.

On saying all of that, we knew that the weeks after the surgery would possibly set us back a little where DD is concerned; however, her recovery is going well, and it does seem clear that J doesn't want to let go of the DD that we started to establish prior to surgery. This would be an ideal time for her to just let it all slide and forget about it, but based on the comments and hints that doesn’t seem to be the case. As strange as it is, I must admit I do miss her stricter, no-nonsense, Southern Belle demeanor that was starting to take shape prior to the surgery; however, I’m sure it will be back soon enough – at least I hope so.

We Take Too Much For Granted

I've said this before in the past, yet how soon we forget, but we take so much for granted in life. Why does it always take some major event to put things into a proper perspective, and focus our minds on what's really important in our lives. What bothers me more is that even when moments like that occur, they seem to be short lived for the most part. Life has a way of sweeping you back up and carrying you along, just like nothing ever really happened, which is when we find ourselves once more taking way too much for granted day to day.

For those that have been reading this blog, J had surgery last week, and it was the longest nine hours I've ever experienced in my life. That nine hours was filled with long periods of reflection, and the realization of how much she really means to me. Yes she's my wife, but again, I've taken a lot of who she is and what she does in our relationship for granted. I can't even begin to describe the feeling of being in a black holed limbo while the surgery was taking place, but it was to say the least an emotional rollercoaster that I hope to never experience again any time soon. Anyway, the surgery went smoothly, but took a few more hours than expected. She is now recovering, which is a process that will take at minimum three more weeks.

Which kind of brings me back to taking things for granted, because with J laid up it means that my butt will not be receiving any punishment for a while. We knew this was coming, but I didn't realize how much I would miss it, and yes as I type that I'm mentally cringing at the thought. Why would you miss something that hurts so much, and is a punishment? The only real answer that I can come up with is that it seems to bring me emotionally closer to J, which is something that I've discussed in the past. I don't really miss the pain, but I miss how it seems to re-center me, and draw me closer to J afterwards. A necessary evil if you like.

The other problem here is that my brain seems to have twigged onto the fact that my butt is pretty safe right now, and I've caught myself on a couple of occasions, for want of a better word, bratting and sassing J. I know that it's not something that I would do if she wasn't in recovery right now, because she would beat my buns black and blue for sure. Granted, I can hear the little voice in the back of my mind whispering a warning, to the effect of 'keep it up buddy, she'll be recovered soon enough, and she will roast your ass big time.'

Still not sure where J is on the FLR aspects that we meddled with a little prior to her surgery, but that twinkle in her eye and the tone of voice seems to indicate that she means to pick up where we left off - once she has recovered. It seems pretty clear that she intends to keep up with the DD side of our relationship, as for the rest we'll just have to see. I've had some more thoughts on the whole thing, but I'll save those for my next post.

She’s Still On Top Of Me!

Well it turns out that J had a maintenance spanking planned for Friday anyways, and after reading my earlier post her assertive attitude made an appearance. Just when I start to think that she’s slipping she seems to bring me back in line, so I guess I just need to have more faith in her. Not only did she tell me to present myself in the bedroom, but she also had me fetch and arrange her implements, strip naked, and then remain in position until she was ready to commence the punishment. That's the first time that she had really had me do any of those things, and the waiting in position felt like an eternity, which certainly prolonged the agony of knowing that the spanking was coming - especially when all implements had been laid out, and I knew that she had caught me letching at other women last weekend.

Inspired somewhat from my mermaid post, not to mention being irritated at me for looking at other women, and wanting to leave a lasting impression to tide me over for the next few weeks, she made sure that my butt was extremely well spanked. Even as I write this two days later, I can still feel a deeper bruising than I have before. I'm definitely a little sore, which comes as no surprise as she didn't hold back at all. That spanking was probably the most severe spanking to date, and while it certainly could have been worse, I know I'll still be feeling the after effects for a couple more days. I certainly had over one hundred strokes, just not with one implement, but a combination of the riding crop, yardstick, paddle, cane, and hairbrush. I dread the day when she elects to give me one hundred with each one!

On a side note, we think we might have pinpointed why her caning technique doesn't carry as much impact as it probably should. J has been using a pure wrist action to deliver the stroke, as opposed to pulling the arm back some, then bringing it forward with additional wrist action. She has yet to try the new delivery method, but I'm sure it won't be too long before my butt has some deeper cutting lines!

It still amazes me how such a severe spanking, which was very painful, can leave me feeling so emotionally connected to J afterwards. In the past I had always thought it rather strange that some people want to sincerely thank the spanker after a good thrashing, and while I still don't fully understand it, I can relate, because I feel that way when J has taken me in hand. I still don't want to be spanked if I can help it, but when she does it always seems to leave me in a far better place emotionally. It’s like all has been put right in my world, and while I’m sore and bruised I’m a lot happier for it.

Heading out of town tomorrow, and with J's surgery scheduled for Tuesday, not sure when my next post will occur. I might try and post odds and ends to take my mind off of things, but can't promise anything. Hopefully, I'll be back home next week, and J will be on her way to recovering so that she can keep me in line. As strange as it seems, I’ll miss her spanking me while she recovers.

Attitude and Consistency

Its been a number of weeks now since J introduced DD into our relationship, and from that other small and interesting changes have came about. I don't think that we will ever attain the status of a fully fledged FLR, and that's fine with us both; however, we seem to be adding small pieces of the FLR pie to our own buffet, and while I can't (and shouldn't) speak for J, from my overall  perspective it does seem to make me happier. I know J certainly has enjoyed having her nails done, and her feet rubbed when she feels the desire, yet there still appears to be a level of resistance as she struggles to demand what she really wants.

I certainly feel more complete and happy when I'm serving J in a way that I know pleases her, and I would be lying if I said that a part of me didn't crave more; however, as we've learnt in the past, going slow, especially with lifestyle changes is the best way for us to go, and this journey so far has been no different. Ironically, as I mentioned above, J is still struggling with demanding what she really wants and desires, and to some degree is still tip-toeing around me instead of making her real wants and desire heard. It’s ironic, because I don’t think she fully comprehends that I really want to serve her needs, and in doing so make her life so much more pleasurable and happy. She has the opportunity to be treated like my Queen, and yet something seems to prevent her from reaching out and taking it. As it stands, while I would love to see J take a more controlling, strict, and demanding persona where I'm concerned (even if that means applying the hairbrush or paddle when bad attitude is encountered), I know I will just have to be happy when she asks me to give her a manicure, pedicure, foot rubs, massages, and opening car doors for her - in addition to keeping my behavior under control, which based on the last week or two is also something else that I think she may be letting slide a little too much.

What has surprised me more than anything so far, is how hard it has been to maintain consistency. I think J struggles with this a little more than I do, because she is 'vanilla' by nature, so all this DD and FLR type behavior isn't constantly at the forefront of her mind. I will admit to having a harder time understanding why she struggles so much with commanding what she really wants and desires, and I don’t know if it’s from years of being effectively subservient to my will, or because she really likes being subservient to me. I’m pretty sure it’s not the latter, because I know for a fact that she has often said that she is fed up with being treated that way, and who wouldn’t want their desires and needs to be met. Also, her natural demeanor is also one that's softer and kinder, so being demanding and strict doesn't come naturally to her; furthermore, as I mentioned above, she is also dealing with years of tip-toeing around me trying to keep me happy, because I've been fairly overbearing, controlling, and domineering for so long now; consequently, trying to reverse that mentality for her isn't an easy task, and it's very easy for her to slip back into that mentality of being controlled, and to some extent manipulated.

For me the problem is the complete reverese, and I'll openly admit to being controlling by nature; however, when I look back over our marriage, and the behavior that I've exhibited I don't like what I see. I've never been happy with how my dad dominates and disregards my mom, and it pains me when I see some of that in me. Above all else, that drives my desire to flip this around, and to some extent put J more in control; however, it really comes down to J picking up the gauntlet, because there is only so much that I can really do, and I can’t make her demand what she really wants – as much as I would like to be able to.

I've caught myself on a couple of occasions this week slipping into controlling and disrespectful/annoying behavior, but the difference now being that I seem to be able to spot it when it happens. This is also where the problem of consistency comes into play, because I see myself slip, and J gets that look in her eye which indicates to me that she sees the slip, but for the most part she has been letting it slide by - or worse, reverts back to trying to appease me, or make me happy even if it's not what she really wants. So instead of commanding and enforcing what she really wants, she ends up settling for something she doesn't really like or want. Honestly, as strange as it is, that’s the most frustrating thing so far, because the threat or application of a quick attitude adjustment with the paddle is all it would take to totally change that whole situation in her favor. In doing so I’m sure she would be more happy, less frustrated, more content, and have a husband that’s very compliant for the remainder of the day. As a result, frustration surfaces, because deep down I really do want to be more subservient to her, make her happier, and be more obedient to her wishes; however, I sometimes lack the right attitude, resolve, and willpower to see that through, and part of that comes from me being entrenched in my controlling ways. To some degree I know and openly want to be broken of those bad habits, but I also know that it requires proactive intervention on J’s part in the sense of her being stricter and less tolerant; however, that’s really out of my control, and I don’t want to make J into something that I desire, so it feels like a catch 22.

When I do look back at the moments when I struggle, and fall back into being a controlling jerk, a couple of things stand out the most. My biggest problem seems to be a result of J's method of asking, and it's something that I've brought up before, but seems to be worth repeating. I've noticed over the last week that more and more she ends up asking me to do something, as opposed to being told. This may sound like a trivial difference, but it not only has a huge impact upon my demeanor as I approach a task, but it also comes across as giving me an option even when it’s something she wants and would make her happy.

This morning was a classic example, the alarm went off and neither of us really moved, because neither one of us wanted to get up and take the little one to school. So, instead of telling me to get up, which is obviously what she wanted, she asked in such a way that I could have easily said no. Had I done that she probably would have gotten up and taken care of it herself, and left me to sleep in, which I know wouldn’t have made her happy; however, without wanting to belittle the point, I did get up and I will admit to doing so with a bit of an attitude, but it took a while to accept it as an act of obedience and willingness to serve her desire in order to make her happy. The point that I’m trying to make is that if she had told me I was to get up, then I would have most likely have complied readily and respectfully with a "Yes Ma'am." As the saying goes, it's not what you say, but how you say it. I don’t know why that makes a difference, but it does.

That leads me to the consistency of obedience on my part, and I think that’s something that could do with being brought back into line. While I will admit to there being a level of sexual thrill from serving J, my primary motivation boils down to finally realizing how much of a disrespectful ass I’ve been all of these years. As such, I’m at a point where I just want to make J happy and see that she gets what she really wants and desires, instead of walking on eggshells around me trying to please me; however, my controlling side at times rears up in resistance, even though deep down I want nothing more than to serve and make her happy; furthermore, for the most part over the last week or two, there has been no consequence to that resistance. Instead of there being a quick attitude adjustment, even if it were just a couple of hard swats with the hairbrush to pull me back in line, J seems to be letting more and more slide by.

Granted, the last week or so has consumed us as a couple, both mentally and emotionally, in regards to the upcoming surgery next week. It’s also not for me to say that J hasn’t been making effective use of her available discipline measures, but I do think that part of my resurfacing control issues, disrespectful behaviors, and attitudes to various things would have decreased drastically if I knew without a shadow of a doubt that she wouldn’t think twice about telling me to fetch the paddle to administer a quick no-nonsense reminder about obedience, compliance, and respect.

This is also probably the worst time for us to be dealing with all of this new lifestyle orientated stuff, because it will be curtailed by the surgery next week. On saying that, it will give us both a couple of weeks to think about aspects of FLR and DD in general, and that probably isn’t a bad thing. I think once the surgery is out of the way, and life can resume in a more normal capacity, then we can continue to progress down this road.

I did read a post on At all Times - (Look at this a different way), which I thought was really awesome. It also got me thinking that I’m approaching this all wrong, because it’s still very me centric on the subservient side. I will address that post more in my next post.

Damn Mermaids!!

Been a bit lax posting on the blog the last week or two, and that’s mainly been due to J’s surgery looming closer. On saying that, I want to make more of an effort on this blog, so I’ll do my best to post more frequently over the coming weeks.

I'm starting to think that my brain has developed a mermaid complex, because it seems to continually entice me with thoughts and fantiasies that sound appealing,  but In reality are just luring me into a world of pain. Not only would they be excrutiatingly painful, but they would also probably far exceed every possible pain threshold that I may have. There again, that's not saying much, because J only has to land a couple of real good swats with the paddle and I'm screaming like a litle girl, not that I'm proud to admit that.

So with a more rational side of my brain alert, active, and aware of the mermaids enticing call, why do these masochistic fantasies keep popping up? It really makes no sense, because I'm not exactly what I would call an adrenaline junkie, or am I? Has my brain become addicted to the release of adrenaline and endorphins, such that it feels the need to try and entrap me for it's next fix? I'm sure there are other chemical reactions involved, and I really should investigate this further, because it keeps cropping up as a curiosity.

My brains latest scheme of fiery doom came in the form of a challenge, and for some reason the fantasy sounds very alluring. So out of nowhere this thought pops into my brain, which went something like this:

"Hey, psst, over here," the image of a shady alluring mermaid in a back alley pops into view. "I have this idea for a personal challenge that would be totally awesome, but you probably don't have the fortitude and willpower to do it..."

"Oh really, bet I do, what is it," I retort with much bravado to myself.

"It's a one hundred stroke challenge, wouldn't it be really cool to be able to take one hundred strokes of the paddle and cane?"

"That does sound pretty challenging, so yeah it probably would be pretty awesome to attempt that," I replied, feeling the enticing and alluring gaze of the mermaid.

The mermaid just looked at me, batted her pretty eyelashes, and smirked at me trying hard not to giggle.

"Hey, hang on a moment, that would really hurt. I have a job staying in position with twenty swats yet alone one hundred."

"That's why it's called a challenge," the mermaid purred as it slinked back into the darkness of the alley from which it came.

So there it sits, the alluring fantasy packaged in a pretty box with an atractive ribbon, left at my feet by the sadistic mermaid as it made a hasty retreat to formulate its next idea for my butts fiery demise.

I don't know where the thought came from, or why it surfaced. I will also admit that at a personal acheivement, or even as a right of passage, the challenge does appeal to me; however, the more rational side of my brain is laughing at me, because it doesn’t think that I could get close to being able to take that level of punishment - at least not unrestrained anyway.

At this point I’m also wary about posting this in case J gets any ideas, because it would certainly fall into the severe punishment category. I’m pretty sure that I would have to do something pretty bad for her to snap and decide to dish a punishment like that out, and quite frankly I hope that day never comes. It certainly would be a good deterrent to hold over my head.

So yeah, the more I think about this the less I want J to see this post; however, I made a promise to remain emotionally honest about what I'm thinking and feeling, and I can feel the integrity string tugging at my coat tails, even though I know that this isn't good for my butt.

Anybody good at hunting and killing mermaids? I could probably supply a harpoon!

Skating on Thin Ice

Another week passes by, and for the curious among y’all, yes J did give me a second spanking last week about an hour or two after the first. I wouldn’t say that it was really severe, but it was certainly enough to get my attention. That was the first time that she had administered more than one spanking on the same day, and she definitely made sure that she felt that her point was heard loud and clear. Can’t say that I really want to experience that again any time soon, can’t think why!

This weekend we were out of town, because J is actually preparing for major surgery next week. Even though I think she would have been very justified in giving my butt a royal roasting after this weekend, I think we’re both pretty preoccupied emotionally and mentally with the upcoming surgery. While we’re both comfortable with the surgeon and the procedure, there is still that element of risk that’s inherent with any surgical procedure. We’re trying not to focus on that, but it lurks at the back on ones mind.

Anyway, I will admit that on a few occasions I caught myself pushing the boundaries of acceptable behavior, and at one point for the first time she actually turned around and told me to stop bratting. The tone and the look was enough to tell me that I was treading very dangerous ground, and it certainly pulled me back in line. She did catch my wandering eye one or two occasions, and for that she would have been very justified in administering a fairly severe spanking; however, that hasn’t happened, and I think the leniency is connected more with the surgery coming up than anything else.

She did allow me a sexual release this morning, and also took me over her knee for a more sensual spanking with the hairbrush. Granted by the end she was giving my butt a pretty good walloping, especially around the sit spot, but it was definitely a far cry from a punishment.

Personally, I just want next week to be over with, and even if it takes J a couple of weeks to recover, at least the surgery will be over with. Pretty sure that she won’t be spanking me much for the next couple of weeks, so I will have to put up more posts related to topics of interest surrounding FLR, and DD in general.

Wasted Weekend–Incoming!

Labor day weekend was pretty much a blah kind of affair, and for the most part I wasted and frittered it all away playing a stupid video game (Fallout New Vegas, for anybody that is remotely interested). It’s been a while since I was consumed by a game like that, and playing over twelve hours in a day is, to say the least, excessive even by my standards. Unfortunately, while it irritated J to no end, which I wasn’t apparently clued into or aware of, she remained quiet and said nothing all weekend.

To some extent that was part of the problem, because it felt as though J had withdrawn from her Steel Magnolia persona and was letting stuff slide. That seemed to have a knock on effect for me, because I then withdrew into the video game. In short, it was a massive breakdown in communication, which has been rectified this morning.

Much to my surprise, J came walking into the room carrying all of her implement. She made it clear that she wasn’t happy with how the weekend went, and decided that a maintenance spanking was long overdue – so my butt was subjected to a mild roasting. Afterwards I asked her if she wanted me to put the implements away, but she just told me to sit down because she hasn’t yet decided if she is done. So, even as I write this, the implements are sitting next to me, and there is a tiny knot in the pit of my stomach. To date, she’s never administered more than one round of punishment, but her tone was such that it could be a possibility. It wouldn’t surprise me given that she let my confession slide from a week or two, because she felt morally conflicted, but we’ll see.

I still find it strange how a spanking can re-center my world, and it feels like J is able to flick an emotional reset switch on me by administering a spanking. It’s also answered the question on how J feels about maintenance spanking, given she just administered one. I can safely say that I still don’t like the punishment spankings, and I think J has yet to really let me have it – even so, what she dishes out does hurt a lot, but by a lot of other accounts that I read about on other blogs I think I get off quite lightly. Although it doesn’t necessarily feel that way when they are being administered.

Even though my tush is a little sore, I’m glad my Steel Magnolia is back behind the driving seat!

Bend Over–A Test of Submission and Will

I addressed my thoughts on spanking positions a couple of weeks ago, so I won’t reiterate any of that. When J spanks me she seems to either have me lay down with a pillow underneath me, or bent over a low chair so that both my hands and feet touch the floor. She has yet to experiment with other positions, and given that these seem to be working for her then I don’t really expect that to really change – which I will admit from a curiosity perspective is a bit of a shame.

However, there is one position that has been on my mind lately, and came about mainly because I found that I had become a little more flexible since exercising over the last month. That being bent over with ones legs spread apart, and ones hands resting on the floor in front of you for support. Basically a modified version of the classic bend over and touch your toes position, because while I’m more flexible, I’m not that flexible! Anyway, what really peaks my curiosity is not the actual position itself, but more the willpower and resolve to maintain that position when ones butt is being roasted.

I’ve seen that subject crop up on a number of blogs, and it’s one that really seems to pique my interest, because I know that I’m one of those people that really wants to take a severe spanking, but has low willpower and resolve when it actually comes down to it. As such, I don’t know why I would even be remotely curious to experience that position with that in mind, because I don’t think it would end very well for me. The scenario of being told to keep position otherwise extra strokes/swats will be administered, or worse the spanking will start all over again sends both tingles down my spine, and simultaneously induces a sense of dread and fear. Yet I still feel the desire to experience and submit to it, which I don’t understand given all of the above!

As to whether the position is better suited to a particular implement I can’t say, although I think it would favor something like the cane, because there is a pause between strokes that allows for one to recompose ones self making it easier to maintain position; however, being paddled in that position could be truly agonizing, especially if penalty swats are given for breaking position.

The position is certainly very flexible in terms of location, because it can be adopted almost anywhere on the spot. The positions that J uses now requires us to be in specific locations, which hasn’t been that much of a problem to date, but one never knows when a backup position could come in handy!

Painful Reminder (Sort Of)

Well it was a good run, because it was three weeks ago today when I got my last punishment spanking; however, J ended that run this morning, but not for the reason I thought she would, which took me a little by surprise.

Based on what she said in reference to my last post, I know she felt conflicted about giving me a spanking for confessing. In her mind, and I can only guess here, she felt that confessing a behavior didn’t deserve a punishment; however, at the same time, she also didn’t want me feeling that I got away with it – got to love those nasty moral catch 22’s. Anyway, given that no spanking has materialized as a result of that confession (at least not yet), then I guess I caught a lucky break on that one. I’m certainly in no position to say one way or the other if she made the right choice, because all DD related issues are hers to call and justify – besides, my butt is hesitant to write a check it doesn’t really want to cash!

So, if I didn’t get spanked for that, then what did I get spanked for? Well J and I have been experimenting more with me being a little more subservient to her. As such, she has decided that she wants me to become more of a gentleman, which means, among other things, opening doors for her, etc. I did fine over the weekend, but it just completely slipped my mind today, because not once did I open the car door for her. A trivial thing to some, but important enough for J to decide that I needed a quick reminder to not do it again. Which to some degree I find slightly ironic, because I confessed to ogling and drooling over other women, yet I get spanked for not opening a car door. Granted, it was a very quick reminder, and I think my cries of pain and apology, and pleading that I wouldn’t let it happen again possibly reduced my sentence somewhat – I think she’s still a bit of a lenient softy when I make that amount of fuss (yeah I’m a bit of a wimp when it comes to  a spanking, but it hurts!).

I didn’t want to get up this morning at all, and I seemed to ache all over, so to some extent being dragged out of bed at 6:30am didn’t put me in the best of moods. I wasn’t mad at anybody, but I just felt off, and to some degree very lethargic. That feeling pretty much hung over me all morning, and was probably one of the main reasons why I just didn’t even think about opening the car door for J today. I also wimped out of going swimming, which I probably shouldn’t have done either. In short, I was focused more on how I felt, than how she was feeling, or more importantly what she wanted from me. So in that regard, I think she was spot on with calling me out and giving me a sharp reminder – even if it was tempered by my pitiful noise.

Anyway, even though it wasn’t a very serious spanking – yeah it hurt, but it was fairly quick thank God – I noticed something else which took me a little by surprise. For some strange reason it seemed to snap me out of my funk (love that word, been waiting to use it for a while now), and to some degree it re-centered me. Now, I’ve read about that before in other blogs, but I didn’t really understand how a spanking could do that – after all it hurts, so how could that help you feel better! However, it did just that for me, and I can’t explain it, but she literally spanked me into a better mood, which put a smile onto my face (well, after she had finished anyways).

I can’t finish this post without saying how proud and impressed I am with J. She called me out when I didn’t even expect it, which is something new for her. She’s still learning, but is picking things up pretty fast. I don’t think she will ever lose the warm emotional empathy that she has, and my butt will probably fare better for that. She’s also getting a lot better at telling me what she wants and expects, instead of asking.

Integrity, Honesty, and Guilt

As much as it pains me to admit it, honesty and integrity are not my strongest suits – more so when it comes to stupid stuff. Having said that, I’ve seen a distinct improvement in this area, and there has definitely been some personal growth since J came onboard with the DD regime; furthermore, I now seem to experience a weird side effect, and one that I haven’t experienced much of in the past – that being guilt.

In the past I rarely felt much guilt as a consequence of my actions, mainly because I was able to convince and delude myself into transferring blame to the other party. Now things seem to be different, because J is keeping me accountable for my actions, so that mental defense mechanism is no longer viable.

Much to my surprise, this has also led me to feeling guilty about things that I haven’t been caught for, which is a unique and fairly distressing feeling to say the least; furthermore, to some extent, it almost feels like a punishment in itself.

Which leads into the subject of honesty and integrity once more, a topic that seems to be cropping up fairly regularly these days, and one that I could really use some personal growth in - although I will admit that I’m better than I used to be a month ago; however, it’s fairly clear to me now that when I experience feelings of guilt, then I know that I’ve probably done something wrong. That’s where integrity comes into play, and should really be accompanied by honesty by confessing to J what I’ve done so she can determine if I need a punishment or not; however, it’s the confession side (and therefore the honesty) where I seem to have a problem, because even though I feel guilty for not getting caught I find myself unwilling to confess.

A month or so ago I will admit to not having much fear about receiving a spanking from J, but in the past month (even though she has only administered four or five punishment spankings) she has become very adept and skilled in her delivery. I think my behavior over the past three weeks, which hasn’t resulted in a single punishment spanking, is a testament to how much respect and fear I have over her improvement in this area.

Granted, nothing that I’ve done has really been that bad (although that’s something that J should judge) over the past three weeks, and there's really only two incidents that come to mind.

I have a nasty habit of picking at my feet, which J finds really gross and has expressed the desire for me to stop. Unfortunately, out of habit more than anything I’ve still been picking, but not to the extent that I have done before. J did inspect my feet the other day, and she gave me a pass even though I thought for sure I was caught.

The other incident, and probably the more serious of the two, involved checking out other women. I think I only got away with that because J was too busy looking at her iPad to notice. Both incidents induced feelings of guilt, but instead of manning up and confessing to J I stayed quiet. The interesting thing here is that the guilt is eating away at me, and I honestly don’t know what's worse – confessing and getting a possible spanking, or keeping it to myself and feeling waves of mental anguish. To some extent I now understand why some criminals confess to the police, because it’s not a nice feeling carrying all that guilt.

I don’t know what J will decide to do based on this minor confession, because it hasn’t come up before. I don’t know if she will exercise leniency because I confessed or not, and that’s really for her to decide. The feeling of guilt has to some extent been lifted by posting this, but has been replaced by a gut wrenching set of butterflies in the pit of my stomach – integrity and honesty sucks! The only thing that I know for sure, I need to confess more willingly in the future.

Wall Flower? Nope, a Steel Magnolia!!

It’s been a fairly quite week around here, and I’m approaching the three week mark since my last punishment spanking. How long that streak will continue I have no idea, but the longer the better, because I know J is firmly committed to ensuring that she is heard when she administers a spanking these days. So until she deems it necessary to remind me to be a good boy, I’ll be trying my hardest to do what she expects of me in all areas.

An interesting development does seem to be in the works though, and one that ties in quite closely to the DD side of our relationship. Over the past week or so J and I have been discussing how she might increase her control over me, and based on today it seems that J has seen the light and is warming to the idea more and more.

J has always been put off of the dominant female role, because of the established clichés that surround the femdom culture. Whenever she thinks about being a more dominant type of female her mind immediately conjures up the femdom model, and that’s just not her. This past week J may have had some kind of breakthrough, because she has decided to shrug off that cliché and create her own vision of what she thinks a strong powerful dominant woman should be like. As she puts it, she’s decided to take on the role of a polite Mistress, and being polite doesn’t mean that she will be any less demanding, authoritative, or strict; however, she see’s herself as a Steel Magnolia, and for anybody that’s not from the South, you’ll just have to look that up for yourself!

So what does that all mean, well from my perspective it means that J will most likely take more control over me, such that she will be directing more of my time and energy around tasks that please her. She wants my focus to be fixed upon her, and not on myself. I will be at her command anytime she desires, which could mean that I do something as trivial as fetch her a drink, or open a car door for her, to something more time consuming such as giving her a pedicure. More importantly, I’m to do whatever she commands when she commands it, not when it’s convenient for me.

As strange as it may seem, it’s a welcome move as far as I’m concerned, and I’ll be interested to see how this runs its course over the next couple of weeks. If today was anything to go by, it looks like she really enjoying her new role, and the benefits that are coming naturally from it.

Settling Into DD

Not a whole lot to report on the DD front really, because nothing has really happened of any great significance. To some degree the novelty has just melded itself into the reality of our daily lives – by that I mean that the DD is hanging over my head 24/7 as it should, and it’s just there, sitting, lurking, and waiting. Meanwhile, my behavior is responding to that threat in a positive manner, so punishments are not being administered.

As to whether J is being too lenient or slipping up on certain things, well that’s not for me to say or judge. All I know is that whatever I’m doing obviously isn’t enough to warrant me getting a spanking, and I’m good with that! Also, J has been a bit under the weather that last couple of days, but is feeling better now, not that I think it makes that much difference.

I still don’t think we fit into any pre-conceived box, and nor do I think we ever will. Based on J’s personality, I know that a full blown FLR just isn’t going to happen, and I’m fine with that – in fact we’re both fine with that. DD was originally introduced into our relationship to act as a deterrent, and a real painful consequence, for the majority of my unpleasant behaviors and immaturity. Plain and simple, that’s really the crux of it for us. As a side benefit, it’s made me feel more emotionally connected to J, and vice-versa; consequently, that has invariably led to experimenting with other FLR type activities that really aren’t a part of the DD regime that we have in place, but could easily be categorized within the FLR category – for example, giving J a manicure, pedicure, massaging her feet, etc..

I have expressed an interest in her having more control in certain areas, and it’s something that she’s toying with right now. As to whether anything materializes from that experimentation is another story, but I remain hopeful.

Change: A Moment of Reflection

I've spent the last few days reflecting back on how life was a month ago, and the to say that there have been significant changes would be a gross understatement.

A month ago I was living a pretty selfish and self absorbed life, with J being left to deal with my annoying and frustrating behaviors. We weren't at each others throats, in fact I don't think I can ever recollect any arguments where voices have been raised, because that's not how either one of us dealt with anger and frustration. To some extent, we became masters of passive aggressiveness, which normally resulted in many hours (or days in some extreme cases) of silent treatment. Looking back, I can see so clearly now how unhealthy that type of behavior was, and it has no place in any marriage - yet alone ours!

DD, as I've mentioned before, was my idea - at least I think it was.  Although now that I think back, the re-emergence of DD in our relationship happened as a result of J reaching for a paddle that was laying around, and telling me to assume the position for something that I had just done - basically she had been pushed too far and it caught her eye, and out of other options she decided to give that a try.

Why did we have a paddle laying around one might ask, given that we weren't involved in spanking at that point? That's a good question, and the easy answer is that it was left over, and escaped the sex toy genocide from a couple of years ago, but had somehow made it down to J's desk over a period of time - there it say idle for a long time.

That was a very pivotal point, because in the past any spanking that we had meddled with was orientated towards a sexual erotic context. That spanking was very different, because there was no sexual contact, and was all business. That was something that I had never experienced before, and in all honesty it messed with my head and turned my world upside down. To say that it was unpleasant, again would be a vast understatement, because it left an immediate impression; furthermore, it was one that I wasn't keen on repeating, but as they say, the damage was done.

The following day, still nursing a somewhat sore bottom, I finally made a significant breakthrough where I understood the difference between a punishment spanking and an erotic one. I had always had the two mixed and confused as one and the same, but that light bulb was now shining very bright. It was at that point that I told J that for the first time in my life I experienced a very real and painful consequence as a result of my actions. That naturally led into a discussion about possibly implementing the need for some form of DD dynamic into our relationship, and the rest is now history.

So here we are today, about one month later, and the changes in our marriage and relationship with each other has been nothing short of miraculous. Communication is at an all time high (hey Bob, how you doing today?), J seem unbelievably happier than I've seen her in a long long time, and I'm a different person than I was. I'm still a long way from perfect, but it's amazing what changes you can make in your life when there is the threat of corporal punishment hanging over your head 24/7.

On a personal level, I'm a lot more attentive towards J, and I'm treating her more like the Princess that she deserves to be. I'm finally exercising on a very regular basis, eating a lot healthier, and as of this week I'm now well versed in the art of giving J a manicure and pedicure! In short, my life has stopped revolving around me, and has started to revolve around us, with specific focus on J. After some fifteen years of marriage, I can't even begin to describe how amazing it feels to still look at your partner and feel so much love and admiration for that person.

Would I change anything that's happened over the last month? In a word, no, absolutely not. I wish we had implemented a DD dynamic in our marriage years ago, but there's no point dwelling on the what ifs. I would recommend DD to any wife whose husband drives them insane, because it has the potential to change your life for the better.

Change and Evolution is Good

Bob (senorose4) made some comments over the past week or two, and they were beneficial for two reasons. First, it emphasized to me that this blog can only provide a very narrow view of my relationship with J, and second, it made me go back and re-read some of my earlier posts.

Going back and re-reading the posts was beneficial, because it reiterated how much J and I have progressed and changed in just one short month. I don’t think this blog has been the most exciting read for anybody, especially those that prefer to read about spanking encounters, because I don’t seem to be getting as many punishment spankings as I thought I would. This isn’t due to J being soft, or overly lenient, but more due to the fact that I finally have a very real and painful consequence hanging over my head all of the time; consequently, I’ve stepped up on my behavior, and as a result I feel that I’m growing as a person – more importantly, I think it’s made me realize how immature I was being. Net result being that I’m finally being a better husband, because I really don’t want my butt paddled and caned – which means that the deterrent is working!

Having said all of that, I do feel a little bit guilty for not having any punishment encounters to write about. To some extent it almost feels as though I’m luring people interested in DD/FLR/spanking to the blog, but I’m not delivering anything of any interest for them to read. Granted, I’m not going to brat to get a spanking just to satisfy y’all – sorry, but it hurts – so I guess I will just have to start writing about content that relates to those areas, at least while we wait for me to slip up (and trust me, it’s inevitable that I will). J has yet to make any noise about maintenance spankings, and we haven’t really talked about those in any detail, but I’m sure she’ll dish one out when she feels that my behavior is starting to slip, or when she thinks one is overdue.

I’m sure a lot of other bloggers go through similar feelings, but I originally wrote this blog to help J and I communicate about all of this DD stuff; however, now that I see that a few people are following, I feel compelled to provide them with some content that is interesting for them to read. So to some degree, this blog is also growing and evolving, just as my marriage to J is.

Anyway, for those that are still reading, thank you, and I’ll try and write about more spanking related topics and questions to keep y’all entertained.

Bye Bye Porn! Or Else…!

I love days like today, J is happy, I’m happy, and we were able to spend more quality time together all morning, and most of the afternoon – most of which was spent talking about all of the awesome changes that have been happening with our new DD relationship. The level of sexual tension has been electrifying all day, and J made sure I got plenty of playful smacks on the rear while we shopped.

Anyway, yesterday I admitted to her that I still have a serious problem with watching too much porn, secretly masturbating (yah I know, too much information), and generally wasting a lot of time surfing the net when I should be doing things that are more productive. Having also admitted that I could be tempted to hide such transgressions, we both realized that an honesty and confession system would probably not be the best in this case. So, stepping further out of my comfort zone, we both agreed that some form of computer monitoring system was probably in order.

After much research, we settled on an application called Track4Win, from track4win.com, which allows her to monitor my ‘work’ computer remotely from her computer. What we liked about that system is that it significantly reduces the possibility for me to try and bypass the system. She can monitor very easily if I ever turn it off, and she made it clear that I better have a dang good reason for doing so. Furthermore, it allows her to capture screen shots of my screen whenever she feels like it, again, without me knowing that she has done so. To top all that off, the application logs every web page that I visit, every application I use, and in both cases how long the active time was, and how long I was inactive. It’s a pretty good application that seems to do what we want, and at a third of the cost of other systems that are out there.

Now, I honestly don’t like the fact that she can see what I’m doing all of the time, but that really indicates that I’m doing things that I know I shouldn’t be doing. I’ve probably signed my butt up for some serious paddle/cane attention, but they are destructive habits that don’t belong in this marriage, and I will be better off in the long run for it. I know all of that deep down, but it still feels scary.

It almost feels like I’m in some massive happy bubble, but I get the feeling that it’s about to burst and my butt will be roasted for it. I hope that’s not the case, granted it makes for dull reading for y’all, but I can live with that!

Walking The Thin Line

Spent a wonderful morning with my wife, we went swimming, shopped a little, and had lunch. Granted, it wasn’t the most spectacular morning, but it was time we spent together, and I’m a lot more appreciative of that these days – for multiple reasons, not just the new DD dynamic.

I was a bit worried when I got home, because I got a ‘look,’ not ‘the look’, but a look non-the-less, because I made a comment that was bordering on disrespectful. I half expected to be sent to our bedroom for a quick reminder, but so far I appear to be in the clear. I swear, not knowing is far worse than knowing, because it really messes with your head.

Now that I’m no longer providing suggestions and help to J, and having officially handed her complete control of all DD matters (as it should be), I get nervous when she gives me any kind of look. Just because she hasn’t spanked me yet, doesn’t mean she won’t spank me, and I don’t know if she’s trying to make me sweat, or deemed that comment to be bordering on the edge and just gave me a warning look – which I think it was, but only time will tell I guess. On that note, mini-celebration, I managed to make it through a whole week without a punishment spanking.

Both J and I have noticed an overall change in my general behavior, which is a good thing. So something’s working here. Yes, I’m going to slip up, but I’m nowhere close to being what I was like last month. J also introduced erotic spanking into our sex lives last week, and that was just amazing. If nothing else, it reaffirmed the very stark differences between a punishment and erotic spanking, and I would much rather prefer that nice, intimate, erotic kind any day. No wonder my behavior is changing! I swear, if more women took up a hairbrush and let their husbands have it, the divorce rate would plummet!

Playing With Fire!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

iRitual, iList, & What’s With The I’s?

Everything these days seems to be iThis, and iThat, so I thought I would be a smartarse and do my versions too. Having said that, it also ties in with what I’ve been thinking about this morning, in as much as the world has turned into a generation of I’s.

Western Civilization as a whole is being conditioned to think about the self before the whole. I’m not going to go into a full rant about how the media is always pushing products down our throats, enticing one to think things like: I must have that, I want that, I need that, etc.; however, to some degree that’s what’s happening in the world today. This, among other factors, promotes more of an I attitude, than a we attitude, and I think that’s detrimental to a lot of relationships. Given that this is a spanking blog, I will leave that there, but it’s fundamental to the point that I’m about to discuss.

I will admit that when we started this DD side of our relationship, it was fostered from an I perspective. I wanted it, because I wanted to change, and I needed help in changing, and I wanted to make J’s quality of life better. See the theme there? It wasn’t born from a thought of we want this, or we need this; however, what I’ve come to realize, and I think J is on the same page but she will have to chime in on that for herself, is that it has become more of a ‘we’ or ‘her’ thing as opposed to an ‘I’ thing. Which is a good thing, because I think it has to be that way, otherwise there is no hope for it to even work. If it was just an ‘I’ thing, then over a period of time J would most likely let it slide, and most likely drop it completely. As it is now, with open communication, honesty, and in effect handing this over to her I’m able remove the ‘I’ element from the equation – or at least I’m trying hard to do that, because it’s not easy for me.

In short, this needs to work for J, and J must want to do this. It doesn’t matter what I feel, what I need, or what I want, it matters that she feels that we need this as a couple, and more importantly, she needs to feel that she needs this for herself. At an individual level, it just can’t work, and from our attempts in the past I can attest to that from personal experience. If J feels empowered by the DD dynamic, and feels that she has an effective tool to get my attention when she feels the need, then this DD dynamic will blossom.

Which brings me full circle to the topic title, because even though I try and deny it, I’m the kind of person that likes formality, ritual, and lists. I feel more comfortable when I’m in a structured setting, and I like familiarity. Why bother mentioning this? Well, having browsed a lot of DD/FLR blogs recently there seems to be a constant theme of using specific rituals with punishment. The most common ones that I see are things like being made to fetch specific implements and present them to the spanker, being told to go and assume the position and wait for the punishment until the spanker is ready, and being made to stand in a corner after the spanking has been administered, or worse, being made to stand in a corner in-between multiple rounds of punishment.

J doesn’t employ any of those types of rituals, but I will admit there is a side of me that find those ideas very appealing. Again, it appeals to me more so because of the formality and structure that it brings to a punishment, but note that it falls into the ‘I’ category again. J is very efficient in her punishments, and that to some degree is a blessing now that she is getting the hang of things, because it’s over in a a few minutes; however, I’m left wondering if that is the most effective way, or if drawing it out longer would be more beneficial. I’m not necessarily talking about spanking for longer periods, although she has that option, but more towards adding psychological warfare into her arsenal of weaponry.

Now at this point, I will admit that these thoughts are very ‘I’ orientated, and in truth while they appeal to me on a structured level, I’m inclined to also think that the fantasy of that is a far cry from the reality. Being made to stand in a corner for five minutes, or longer, would not be fun – especially if you know that it’s a pre-cursor to another round of punishment, same with assuming the position for a few minutes prior to her entering the room; however, when you think about it, that’s probably the point, because it’s not meant to be fun! Luckily, J hasn’t had the need to emphasize her point to ensure that she’s being ‘heard,’ (thank you Cathy and Scally for introducing her to that concept, grumble), so I haven’t been subjected to multiple rounds of spanking as yet – and honestly, I don’t want to either! It doesn’t mean that she won’t ever employ that tactic, and again, it becomes her choice.

Anyway, this is getting long again, but I’m well aware of my desire for structure and formality, and I’m fully aware of the draw that I have towards rituals and making lists. I’m trying to let all of that go, because I’m starting to realize that this isn’t a me thing, it’s a J thing. How she decides to carry out the punishments and maintenance is fully in her control, and I just need to learn to accept that – no matter how hard that is for me. It’s all part of trusting her implicitly, and I do! I’m sure that as she progresses down this road with me, she will develop her own ideas, and become the loving disciplinarian wife that I know she can be.

Who’s Running This Show?

I've been thinking a lot over the past couple of days about the formalizing of the punishments, with a view to assisting J and getting her started on a formal list to make it a little easier on her. Indeed, I actually did that today, and made some suggestions; however, it dawned on me, after reading some posts on Cathy and Scally's blog (http://the-good-dd-life.blogspot.com/), that maybe that wasn't a good thing to do.

To some extent it feels like I'm directing the punishments to suit me, and to some degree that would be hard to deny. I probably shouldn't have given count suggestions at all, because it's not really my place to be deciding any of that stuff, or placing those thoughts into J's head. In fact, I should be spanked whenever J decides I need to be spanked, and for however long J decides I need to be spanked for. There shouldn't be any hard and fast rules saying that I get 25 for this, or 30 for that, but more she should spank me until she feels that she has been heard. If that takes 1 minute, 20 strokes, 5 minutes, or even multiple sets with timeouts in-between then that's her call to make. Granted, having a more formal structure in place makes it a lot easier for her, but it should be her choice to decide if that's what she wants - not mine.

On the other side is the fact that we are new to this whole DD dynamic, for the most part. J also has other things on her mind than just worrying about  sitting down and formalizing some of this stuff - even though she said she would. To that end my intention was to try and ease her burden as she adjusts to the DD dynamic (which she is doing wonderfully I may add), but I'm starting to question if that was such a good idea.

This also made me think about maintenance spankings, such that they should really be done whenever J feels the need for me to be reminded to behave. There shouldn't be a any formal schedule, but more that if J thinks it's been a while since I was last spanked, and I'm getting a little cocky or pushing boundaries, then one is probably in order. Again, the severity and length being her choice not one that I suggest.

Anyway, wasn't planning on posting again today, but that stuff just came up so I thought I would throw it out there. I'm not saying she shouldn't or can't formalize things, but I think all of the decisions related to that should really be hers. I will leave it there for now!

Jiggling The DD Foundation

OK, so, as I mentioned in my previous post, I thought it might be a good idea to help J start formalizing the punishments, and defining a more concrete list of behaviors and actions that require a no tolerance policy attached. Not only will that list establish what will no longer be tolerated by J, but it will also provide me a way of expressing to J what areas I really need help with in order to become a better person.

We’re still in our first month of DD, and as such things are bound to need tweaking and adjusting, and that will become J’s responsibility once we’ve established a core foundation. If she deems a punishment to be too lenient, then she can increase what’s currently defined on the list; furthermore, if she thinks that the offense is being repeated too often, then again, she can increase the punishment to offer more of a deterrent.

I will also quickly note at this point, that the list deals with actions and behaviors, and not the motivational aspect – such as not completing pre-defined chores. One may wonder when does something become a motivational issue, and when is one a behavioral issue? From my perspective, something that’s attached to a motivational spanking is something that had to be completed by a set deadline – for example, keeping the kitchen clean by the end of each day, or finishing a set chore by the end of the week. A behavioral issue is one that hangs over my head 24/7, and ideally should be taken care of with administered discipline at J’s earliest convenience. As such, motivational spankings are due at the end of each week, we’re currently using Saturday nights, but that might potentially migrate to Monday mornings for more convenience on J’s part. If I complete all of the assigned tasks on my list for that week, then I don’t receive a motivational spanking. Obviously, the more chores that are not completed, the greater the severity of the spanking; furthermore, if the same task is not completed the following week, that too will increase the severity to encourage me to take that task more seriously.

OK, so I can see that this post is starting to get a little long already, so lets cut to the chase. What might be easier is to group the actions and behaviors into groups, such as irritating, annoying, intolerable – or something like that. Then the group can serve as a guide for administering the punishment. Obviously, the final numbers and/or times are down to J to decide, but I would suggest something like:

• Irritating – 10 hard swats with the paddle
• Annoying – 15 swats with the paddle, 5 strokes of the cane.
• Intolerable – 20 swats with the paddle,  10 swats with the hairbrush, and 10 strokes of the cane.

For each offence that is repeated that week five additional swats/strokes will be added onto the punishment. For example, if the same offense was repeated for the third time that week, not only would I be a complete idiot, but I would then get the set amount of strokes/swats listed above, plus an additional fifteen on top for repeating it for the third time. Again, all of this is just a suggestion to get J started, and she may feel that what I have suggested is too lenient or too severe, in which case she will adjust accordingly.

Finally we get to the list, and I’ll only list behaviors and actions that I can think of, and it’s really down to J to determine if she deems each one to be irritating, annoying, or intolerable.

• Lying – includes emotional honesty
• Watching / masturbating to porn
• Making J feel stupid through condescending comments
• Embarrassing J in public
• Being obnoxious and rude
• Being inconsiderate or unreasonable
• Being selfish, and not thinking about others
• Hurting others, either emotionally or physically
• Causing J undue stress, for example, back seat driving
• Not keeping promises
• Setting a bad example when around others
• Doing things that J considers unethical or immoral

Those are the things that are off the top of my head. J might have some more, or more specific variations, and she also will need to determine the severity of each one. Not sure if she will use any of my suggestions in terms of what an applicable spanking would be for each offence, but this should get her started.

Dang that’s a long list of character flaws – I’m starting to realize that I need to do a lot of work on my character, otherwise it won’t be long before I can’t sit down anymore!

Integrity, Honesty, and Accountability

It has literally astounded me how the threat of a punishment spanking has radically altered my general behavior towards J, and that is a good thing given that J has started to get into the groove of delivering spankings that are painfully effective. As such, since the punishment spanking that I received for beach incident, I think I’ve been a good little husband this week. At least I think so, because J didn’t order me to assume the position last night, but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything.

Granted, for anybody looking in on this blog other than J herself, that could be viewed as not such a good thing, because I’m sure those external viewers would much rather hear that my butt is red, marked, and very sore than the fact that I’ve been a good husband for the week. On saying that, given my past history of behavior, I’m bound to screw up sooner rather than later, and J would probably vouch for that.

Anyway, given that I’ve possibly dodged the motivational and behavior spanking bullet this week, I began thinking more about the related subject of integrity, honesty, and accountability. More so, because those are the areas where, as much as I hate to admit it, I would say I lack the most character as a person on a day to day level. Unfortunately, those are areas in ones life that matter the most, or rather should matter the most.

Lying for me has always been my Achilles heel, and was something that I learned and honed at a very early age. Here I now am, some thirty odd years later, and I still find that lying is a part of my life – even if the majority of them are small white lies to make myself feel better. J has made it clear that she doesn’t like it, and that’s one of the behaviors that will get me a punishment spanking; however, there have been occasions over the last couple of weeks where I’ve caught myself doing it, and it’s either slipped past J’s attention, or she’s let it slide.

That really brings me to the subject at hand, because things will slip J’s attention, but I will often catch myself doing it. On one hand, there’s a small part of me that will breathe a sigh of relief for getting away with it, but the side of me that wants to grow and become a better person will lay down the guilt and demand some accountability. When I stop and think about it, that’s why we allowed DD into our marriage in the first place. I need to be accountable for my actions that are unacceptable, at a marriage, social, and personal level. So, I guess this is where the integrity, honesty, and accountability come into play, but it’s also a very hard thing to do, because I know that the ramifications could be extremely painful – more so at this behavior level, because that could result in being spanked on my butt that was only just roasted for something else possibly yesterday, or even worse, a couple of hours ago. On saying that, isn’t that what strength of character and integrity is all about?

So, does that mean I should confess those actions, and if so, then when? There are some instances and situations where J would be unable to deal with delivering a consequence there and then, but does that mean that the confession should be deferred until the end of the day? Is confession even necessary? To some extent I would probably say that it is, because the punishment is meant to reinforce and act as a deterrent so that it breaks you of those character flaws; however, it can only really work if you’re honest with yourself. Yes, one could revel in getting away with it, but then why bother with a DD lifestyle if you’re wanting to cheat the system. I’ll let J chime in on this subject, and see what her take is on it.

J has yet to formalize the punishments in terms of behaviors and their related number of stroke/swats/time, and that’s fine, because I know she has other things on her plate. Having thought more about all of this, I’m left thinking that it might be a good idea for J and me to sit down and start listing out individual behaviors that she no longer wants to tolerate, and also behaviors that I personally want help with in correcting for personal growth – for example, not lying (even small white lies), no viewing and masturbating to porn, etc. From that list we can then assign a respective punishment for each offence. Maybe that will be part of my next blog entry, coming up with a list of behaviors and actions that I need help with in correcting and eliminating, so that it gives J a foundation to build upon.

Sheesh, these posts are always so darn long!

Public Spanking

This little gem of a thought has been buzzing around my head since we went to the beach last week, because I made a point of reminding J that, even though we were away from home, she would still have her hairbrush with her. If I became unruly she could always drive me to a desolated spot and make an on the spot attitude adjustment, luckily that didn’t happen.

To be honest, the thought of being driven to a desolate place and being spanked is quite a turn on, but it would have to be desolate, or at least somewhere where there was little to no chance of being discovered. Part of the thrill to some extent is obviously from that slight degree of risk, but the overall concept of being spanked on the bare ass while out in the great outdoors is just really appealing to me. Thoughts of heading to an out of the way country spot, setting up a nice picnic, having the sun shine down on us, a slight breeze blowing, the sound of a river flowing in the background, and exposing my cheeks for J’s attention just gives me goose bumps. It would certainly make picnics a lot more enticing! I’m not a natural exhibitionist, and I would be mortified if J were pull me over her knee and spank me at a shopping mall, for example; however, that type of scenario really stirs my loins, meaning it would fall more into the erotic category than punishment. Although, if she carried her brush with her while we were out, there would be nothing stopping her from finding a remote spot to deal with me there and then.

On a more discreet note, public displays of affection (PDA’s) is also something that I find fairly arousing. J will frequently give my butt a light slap in the grocery store if I’m hunched over the shopping cart, and I love that. To some degree I wish she would give me a harder smack, but I think that would cause her too much embarrassment. I also seem to be responsive to J’s nails these days, and it drives me wild when she scratches me with them. That’s also something that I would love to feel more of while we’re in public, and it’s something that can be done fairly discreetly.

The Brain Game

I often marvel at the complexity of the human brain, and all of the chemical reactions that occur within our bodies day in and day out. Of particular note in the spanking realm is the frequently mentioned release of endorphins, and the positive effects that they generate within our bodies.

This post isn’t really going to be about endorphins, not directly anyway, but more about examining and dealing with the thought patterns that I’ve been experiencing over the past week – primarily in relation to spanking, and pain in general, all of which correlate in part to endorphin production.

I can’t find any definitive answer to the following question: how long do endorphins, and any related endorphin high, last within ones body? From the minimal research that I’ve done, the answer seems to be connected, once more, into the realm of genetics – meaning that it will affect everybody differently. I’ve read a couple of articles claiming, after very intensive exercise, that they’ve felt the endorphin high last for hours, and in some cases a couple of days. To some extent, I would tend to agree that an endorphin high could potentially last at least a couple of days, but again this may not be the same for everybody.

Having received a punishment spanking yesterday, I still feel as though I’m still being affected by the release of endorphins. I say that because I’ve noticed that once I’ve been spanked, aside from the obvious sore butt, I’m left with feelings of relief, and an overwhelming amount of love and affection towards J. So much so that I feel compelled to be very attentive towards her, affectionate, and do things for her that make her feel loved, special, and appreciated – all in a non-sexual way. Even this morning, I awoke with the same feelings. It could well be that the initial endorphin release has triggered something else within me, and has carried all of those feelings over to today. In any case, it’s hard to argue that DD isn’t beneficial to a relationship when one is left feeling that way, and that’s how it is for me; however, it may well be very different for somebody else.

So what really induced this post this morning? Well, I woke up and had an overwhelming desire to be spanked by J, not as a punishment, but in a more loving and intimate way. I wanted J to take me over her knee, and then give me a long firm spanking with her hand, followed by a real blistering with her hairbrush. I’ve never had that strong of a desire to be spanked before, and it kind of took me by surprise – especially since my butt is still recovering from yesterdays punishment.

What I find the most peculiar is that I’ve been feeling a very solid draw towards sexual activities that involve varying degrees of pain, and while that in itself might not seem so strange, I’m not really into pain as such. I certainly don’t like the punishment spankings when they are delivered, and I would never want to provoke one, so it seems strange to me that my brain would encourage such desires. I’m starting to wonder if I’m a closet masochistic pain slut, and who knows, maybe I am to a certain extent; however, having thought more about, I’m starting to wonder if it’s more connected to the fact that the endorphins – which are a by product of inflicted pain – are addicting me to this amazing feeling of being so in love with J. To the extent that my body and brain are now craving additional pain, which will then continue to languish in this euphoric love paradise that I’m currently experiencing. It seems to make logical sense, but that’s the problem with the brain, it’s extremely hard to pinpoint certain things with any sense of definitive certainty.

Another psychological aspect that I discovered yesterday, in connection to pain and spanking, is that I love being marked by J. I love seeing and feeling the bruises that she inflicts onto my delicate butt, because it feels as though she has branded me to some degree, and marked me as her property. That for me is a huge psychological turn on, and I can’t fully explain why. I don’t need the marks to be permanent, in fact quite the opposite, because then they can be reapplied as an ongoing commitment of love between us. Unfortunately, to get the marks that I really desire, it would probably require J to give me a very severe spanking, and a large part of me really doesn’t want to provoke that kind of wrath. Which is why this is, to some extent, a little confusing still. I certainly don’t want a severe punishment spanking, because they are extremely intense and not at all any fun; however, it doesn’t seem to stop me fantasizing about receiving really deep and brutal welts that can only be gained from a harsh caning, even though I certainly don’t long for the caning itself.

In short, endorphins are tricky little buggers. I know the reality of a punishment spanking, and I want no part of that if I can help it. Yet on the other end, my brain has fully registered the amazing feelings of love that I have for J after such an event. It feels like a very nasty catch 22, and to that degree it may be one of the primary reasons why I’m now craving for the integration of various forms of pain into our sex life, in addition to the threat of punishments hanging over my head. Granted, the more erotic and sexual delivery pain will be a lot more pleasurable and bearable than a punishment spanking, but I’m not overly sure where J stands on that issue right now.

Quick Temper + Disrespect = Sore Butt!

Well we made it back from the beach, and on the whole the long weekend turned out to be a pretty good getaway for us.

The pre-beach spanking that I received kept me in line, right up until the point when we headed home. Suffice to say, I managed to loose my temper while driving back, because I basically didn’t know where I was going and we missed a couple of turns which caused us to backtrack. During that thirty or so minute period I could feel the pressure just building and building, then sure enough I exploded; unfortunately, J got cussed and shouted at, which was both rude and extremely disrespectful, not to mention unnecessary. At that point I was ordered to pull over and relinquish the steering wheel over to J, and I immediately realized my blunder and knew that I had crossed the line – like duh, no kidding Sherlock!

So, here I now sit, once again with a moderately bruised and sore butt; however, I knew that I deserved it, and J made no qualms about making sure I got what was coming to me. The only slight leniency that came my way was a result of the apology that I made soon after exploding on her. I think that’s one of the first times that I’ve actually taken responsibility for my actions in a situation like that, and even though my butt hurts right now, it makes me appreciate how beneficial DD is proving to be within our relationship.

In the past she would have been given the silent treatment, and even now there would possibly be some ill will festering between us. Instead I was able to realize that my butt was going to get spanked, which naturally led to an apology. The real cool thing, at least for me, was that after admitting that the behavior was my fault, taking responsibility for it, and realizing that a spanking was most certainly coming my way, it made me start thinking how lucky I am to have such an amazing wife. I have so much more respect for her as my wife, and admire the strength that she demonstrates by taking me in hand so that she no longer has to suffer with my crap. It just makes me love her even more with everyday that passes. My butt might think I’m an idiot for submitting to her discipline, but my brain can see the bigger picture for what it really is!

I’m also extremely impressed at how fast her spanking technique has improved, and I know without a doubt that when I’m ordered to assume the position that my butt is heading for a pretty mean roasting. I still think she is still harboring a little too much leniency, and to some extent may still be gauging severity on my cries of pain. Although, she is blocking that out more than she was a week or two ago, but I still think there is possibly some empathy or sympathy at play when she delivers the much needed discipline. On saying that, it may well be that I’ve yet to do anything that she considers to merit a really lengthy and very severe spanking. Quite honestly, I’m dreading that day, and I’m not sure I know what it would take, but I also don’t really want to find out.

J did say that she was going to sit down and formalize her punishments in the very near future, meaning that she will write down how many strokes or what time limit certain behaviors will incur. I don’t know if she will also specify specific implements, so I will just have to wait with baited breath and see what transpires. Personally, I think it’s a great idea, and it will give me a better frame of reference of where her head is at in terms of severity vs. specific behaviors. The other benefit that I can see to such a formal list, is that it could very easily remove any form of sympathy / empathy from the punishment on her side.

On a side note, I’m also starting to wonder if the cane that we have isn’t of the right thickness. It certainly stings, but it doesn’t seem to leave the marks that it probably should from a discipline perspective. The picture to the right shows an example of the kind of marks that I would really expect from a punishment caning. It could be that J isn’t using enough force, but I’m more inclined to think it’s the thickness of the cane that’s at fault here, or even that it’s possibly too short. I know the thicker the cane, the more likely it is to bruise, and the longer it is the harder it hits. Yes J will probably think that I’m insane for bringing this up, but the marks and end result play a huge role in our DD dynamic, because what’s left after the punishment acts as a constant reminder about the behavior that I was punished for. We’re not talking about erotic spankings here, so the whole point is that they should be as effective and painful as possible – including the after effects. Furthermore, the more effective and painful that they are, the more effective the deterrent. Receiving a caning that left marks like those in the picture, would most definitely induce a healthy respect and fear of ever wanting to be caned to that degree again. I know it would certainly get my attention!

Anyway, I’ve probably spent more time than I should have writing this blog entry, and the last thing I need is another reminder from J that I should be more productive – especially now that she seems to be very enamored with having a well behaved husband whose being kept in line by her hand. Just writing that gave my stomach butterflies – J, I love you so much!