Well dang, I can’t believe that it’s November already. To say the least my blogging last month was nothing short of abysmal, which wasn’t really my intention. Ironically, J and I both agree that had I made the effort to post at least once a week then October probably wouldn’t have deteriorated the way it did, at least in terms of the DD side of our marriage.
Determined to start November off in a more positive DD light, J administered what I can only describe as the most severe DD session that I’ve been given to date. Once again I prepared the punishment area for her, laid out her implements, striped naked, and had to wait in position until she was ready to administer the punishment. I don’t know how long I was in position for, or how many strokes/swats I was given, but it most definitely wasn’t a quick affair. It definitely felt long, and was most certainly very painful – as it should be, given that it was a punishment spanking. What I do know, is that she applied the discipline session on Tuesday, and here on Thursday I’m still extremely conscious of it’s application when I walk, sit, or move. I may well have skated through October, but rest assured she made sure that I paid in full for the spankings that I should have received.
J has also added three new implements to her growing arsenal, which came in the form of switches – one that’s thin and whippy, a medium thickness one, and a heavier one. Much to her delight, we have an almost unlimited supply of suitable trees, and as such they can provide her with a limitless supply of switches whenever she desires them, and in a variety of thicknesses to suit her needs. That was my first experience with a switch, and at first I didn’t think it would be that much different than my experiences with the cane. Well that was an incorrect assumption, especially with the thinner whippy switches. It’s also a very surreal experience going out to cut an implement that you know your going to be punished with, and yet it was also strangely arousing as well.
Anyway, the switches most definitely left their mark – especially the thinner whippier ones. She’s certainly getting her techniques down that’s for sure, and I can safely say that I’ve got some deep bruising from the paddling that she gave me.
That session was also the first time where I experienced a sense of complete submission, in the sense that I got to a point where I lost the desire to fight against the pain and just accept it. That was also a fairly surreal experience, more so because I knew I fully deserved what I was getting. Normally what J stops the punishment and tells me that I can get up, there is this overwhelming sense of relief that it’s finally over; however, in this case, while I was glad that the pain had finally stopped, there was a part of me that also felt strangely disappointed that it was over. I don’t know if that was connected to the fact that I had completely surrendered to the punishment, or if it’s because I was carrying so much guilt over from the past month. Either way, it’s not something that I’ve experienced before.
We’ve also started talking about me becoming more submissive in our relationship. As I’ve said before, we’ll never be what others deem as a complete and proper FLR – at least not by the conventional definitions; however, on a day to day level, acts of submission, acts of service, body worship, orgasm denial, and being made to wear her mark are all potentially on the table to some degree. So we’re still actively looking at establishing our own brand of FLR, or FLS as I prefer to call it (Female Led Submission).
As for the DD side, we’re re-evaluating the need for regular maintenance spankings. October made it very clear to us both that DD takes work on both of our parts, and if one of us slides, or slips into our old routines, then it’s easy for the whole thing to degenerate back into life as it was prior to introducing DD. It’s very clear that neither one of us wants that, and I’m actually glad. Anyway, with regular maintenance spankings that removes the possibility of that happening again, but we’ve yet to set anything in stone on that front. J is doing a lot of evaluating this week, in terms of what SHE wants, and if she decides that SHE wants to administer maintenance spankings then she will let me know how that will go down. We also need to talk about motivation, expectations, and review the list of rules.
So that’s pretty much where we are right now, but it feels like we’re starting to get back on track. J has pretty much recovered completely from her surgery that she had in September, but her energy levels are way down as a by product. I just need to be patient with her, but it’s clear that she wants DD in our marriage so that doubt in my mind has been calmed – she made that very clear on Tuesday!