Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Ready To Hit The Reset Button!

resetI’m long overdue on making a blog post here, but for various reasons we seem to have hit some kind of roadblock or set back on the DD front - or at least it appears that way; however, as per usual it’s not quite as clean cut as that, because various comments from J this week seem to indicate that if I wasn’t sick and floating on Nyquil my ass would be well and truly blistered right now. So to some extent I’m getting a lot of mixed messages, and I’m not sure where we stand right now.

The short of it is that for a multitude of reasons, where both of us have been at fault, the last three weeks or so we haven’t really been connecting on and emotional level in our relationship. It’s clear that feelings have been hurt on both sides due to a variety of unrelated events, and that for the most part has caused us both to pull back emotionally. I’m guilty of letting myself wallow in negative feelings and letting them fester for so long, and to be blunt, J is guilty of tolerating and letting me get away with it. As a direct result it’s very evident that reoccurrences of bad habits, behaviors, disrespect, passive aggressive bullshit, and emotional manipulation on my part have all resurfaced. I think to some degree she seems to have lost that edge of disciplinary confidence, an edge that she had just started to take hold of prior to her surgery. Sitting here now I can honestly say that I miss that edge, and I hope that she reclaims back that authoritative demeanor very soon.

It would be easy for me to look back and start criticizing J, but that wouldn’t be fair – especially when I share an equal amount of guilt over where we are right now; however, it does seem fairly clear that so much of the bullshit, frustration, and unhappiness over the past three or so weeks could have been curtailed quickly had J just taken me in hand, and actively demonstrated that she wasn’t going to tolerate it anymore. That doesn’t mean she is solely to blame for where we now find ourselves, because I need to take ownership of my actions, attitudes, and behaviors which seem to have dragged this out for so long. All I can say at this point is that I’m ready to start over, because I don’t like where we are right now and this needs to stop. Hopefully we can learn from the last couple of weeks, and not allow it to happen again.

So, at this point it feels like we are at a definitive set of crossroads, where J has the opportunity to reflect and re-evaluate where she is in regards to DD, and also the implications behind that evaluation. I also think that the past couple of weeks have clearly demonstrated that, like marriage, DD isn’t going to be an easy road to travel. Clearly, in order for it to be effective and to work, it’s also going to take work and effort on both our parts. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you view it, at times that is also going to mean stepping outside of our comfort zones – but isn’t that what makes us grow?


  1. Are you sure that on some levels that your bad habits, behaviours, disrespect, passive aggressive bullshit and emotional manipulation, have all resurfaced in an attempt by you to persuade or provoke J into some sort of spanking action? Please don’t think that I am be critical, because that would be rich coming from me, it’s just something that we all do in some form or other.

    In some respects it maybe easier to “hit the reset button” from this position, rather than one in which your partner is been getting all and more then she needs from you without the need for DD. Clearly everyone is different, and motivated by different things.

    Are you sure that J wants to reset or is it just you?

  2. I would probably be lying if I were to say that some of the behavior that has resurfaced hasn't, at least at some level, been a form of provocation in order to make J snap and take me in hand; however, when I reflect back over the past couple of weeks there is a lot more going on than just provocation, because in a majority of the cases the behaviors weren't a conscious decision on my part to provoke J so that she would snap and spank me.

    Having spoken to J last night, albeit very briefly after she read this post, it appears that she feels the same way about wanting a reset. I won't say more than that, because that's really for her to post a comment if she feels inclined to do so.

    At this point, and the real purpose of the post, was to state that we're currently in a holding pattern. Regardless of what *I* want, it's really up to J where she lands, and if that's on the DD runway then great, but if not then that's fine too. Yes, I would be a little sad if she decided that DD wasn't the way she wanted to go after our 'trial period,' but it really needs to be her choice.

    What was very clear was that exhaustion from surgery recovery, fatigue, and a general break down in communication after various events that happened over the last month have put us where we are. Ironically, had I been posting more on the blog we probably wouldn't have messed up so much this month, and a multitude of wires wouldn't have been crossed.