Been a bit lax posting on the blog the last week or two, and that’s mainly been due to J’s surgery looming closer. On saying that, I want to make more of an effort on this blog, so I’ll do my best to post more frequently over the coming weeks.
I'm starting to think that my brain has developed a mermaid complex, because it seems to continually entice me with thoughts and fantiasies that sound appealing, but In reality are just luring me into a world of pain. Not only would they be excrutiatingly painful, but they would also probably far exceed every possible pain threshold that I may have. There again, that's not saying much, because J only has to land a couple of real good swats with the paddle and I'm screaming like a litle girl, not that I'm proud to admit that.
So with a more rational side of my brain alert, active, and aware of the mermaids enticing call, why do these masochistic fantasies keep popping up? It really makes no sense, because I'm not exactly what I would call an adrenaline junkie, or am I? Has my brain become addicted to the release of adrenaline and endorphins, such that it feels the need to try and entrap me for it's next fix? I'm sure there are other chemical reactions involved, and I really should investigate this further, because it keeps cropping up as a curiosity.
My brains latest scheme of fiery doom came in the form of a challenge, and for some reason the fantasy sounds very alluring. So out of nowhere this thought pops into my brain, which went something like this:
"Hey, psst, over here," the image of a shady alluring mermaid in a back alley pops into view. "I have this idea for a personal challenge that would be totally awesome, but you probably don't have the fortitude and willpower to do it..."
"Oh really, bet I do, what is it," I retort with much bravado to myself.
"It's a one hundred stroke challenge, wouldn't it be really cool to be able to take one hundred strokes of the paddle and cane?"
"That does sound pretty challenging, so yeah it probably would be pretty awesome to attempt that," I replied, feeling the enticing and alluring gaze of the mermaid.
The mermaid just looked at me, batted her pretty eyelashes, and smirked at me trying hard not to giggle.
"Hey, hang on a moment, that would really hurt. I have a job staying in position with twenty swats yet alone one hundred."
"That's why it's called a challenge," the mermaid purred as it slinked back into the darkness of the alley from which it came.
So there it sits, the alluring fantasy packaged in a pretty box with an atractive ribbon, left at my feet by the sadistic mermaid as it made a hasty retreat to formulate its next idea for my butts fiery demise.
I don't know where the thought came from, or why it surfaced. I will also admit that at a personal acheivement, or even as a right of passage, the challenge does appeal to me; however, the more rational side of my brain is laughing at me, because it doesn’t think that I could get close to being able to take that level of punishment - at least not unrestrained anyway.
At this point I’m also wary about posting this in case J gets any ideas, because it would certainly fall into the severe punishment category. I’m pretty sure that I would have to do something pretty bad for her to snap and decide to dish a punishment like that out, and quite frankly I hope that day never comes. It certainly would be a good deterrent to hold over my head.
So yeah, the more I think about this the less I want J to see this post; however, I made a promise to remain emotionally honest about what I'm thinking and feeling, and I can feel the integrity string tugging at my coat tails, even though I know that this isn't good for my butt.
Anybody good at hunting and killing mermaids? I could probably supply a harpoon!