Thursday, August 11, 2011

The Brain Game

endorphinsI often marvel at the complexity of the human brain, and all of the chemical reactions that occur within our bodies day in and day out. Of particular note in the spanking realm is the frequently mentioned release of endorphins, and the positive effects that they generate within our bodies.

This post isn’t really going to be about endorphins, not directly anyway, but more about examining and dealing with the thought patterns that I’ve been experiencing over the past week – primarily in relation to spanking, and pain in general, all of which correlate in part to endorphin production.

I can’t find any definitive answer to the following question: how long do endorphins, and any related endorphin high, last within ones body? From the minimal research that I’ve done, the answer seems to be connected, once more, into the realm of genetics – meaning that it will affect everybody differently. I’ve read a couple of articles claiming, after very intensive exercise, that they’ve felt the endorphin high last for hours, and in some cases a couple of days. To some extent, I would tend to agree that an endorphin high could potentially last at least a couple of days, but again this may not be the same for everybody.

Having received a punishment spanking yesterday, I still feel as though I’m still being affected by the release of endorphins. I say that because I’ve noticed that once I’ve been spanked, aside from the obvious sore butt, I’m left with feelings of relief, and an overwhelming amount of love and affection towards J. So much so that I feel compelled to be very attentive towards her, affectionate, and do things for her that make her feel loved, special, and appreciated – all in a non-sexual way. Even this morning, I awoke with the same feelings. It could well be that the initial endorphin release has triggered something else within me, and has carried all of those feelings over to today. In any case, it’s hard to argue that DD isn’t beneficial to a relationship when one is left feeling that way, and that’s how it is for me; however, it may well be very different for somebody else.

So what really induced this post this morning? Well, I woke up and had an overwhelming desire to be spanked by J, not as a punishment, but in a more loving and intimate way. I wanted J to take me over her knee, and then give me a long firm spanking with her hand, followed by a real blistering with her hairbrush. I’ve never had that strong of a desire to be spanked before, and it kind of took me by surprise – especially since my butt is still recovering from yesterdays punishment.

What I find the most peculiar is that I’ve been feeling a very solid draw towards sexual activities that involve varying degrees of pain, and while that in itself might not seem so strange, I’m not really into pain as such. I certainly don’t like the punishment spankings when they are delivered, and I would never want to provoke one, so it seems strange to me that my brain would encourage such desires. I’m starting to wonder if I’m a closet masochistic pain slut, and who knows, maybe I am to a certain extent; however, having thought more about, I’m starting to wonder if it’s more connected to the fact that the endorphins – which are a by product of inflicted pain – are addicting me to this amazing feeling of being so in love with J. To the extent that my body and brain are now craving additional pain, which will then continue to languish in this euphoric love paradise that I’m currently experiencing. It seems to make logical sense, but that’s the problem with the brain, it’s extremely hard to pinpoint certain things with any sense of definitive certainty.

Another psychological aspect that I discovered yesterday, in connection to pain and spanking, is that I love being marked by J. I love seeing and feeling the bruises that she inflicts onto my delicate butt, because it feels as though she has branded me to some degree, and marked me as her property. That for me is a huge psychological turn on, and I can’t fully explain why. I don’t need the marks to be permanent, in fact quite the opposite, because then they can be reapplied as an ongoing commitment of love between us. Unfortunately, to get the marks that I really desire, it would probably require J to give me a very severe spanking, and a large part of me really doesn’t want to provoke that kind of wrath. Which is why this is, to some extent, a little confusing still. I certainly don’t want a severe punishment spanking, because they are extremely intense and not at all any fun; however, it doesn’t seem to stop me fantasizing about receiving really deep and brutal welts that can only be gained from a harsh caning, even though I certainly don’t long for the caning itself.

In short, endorphins are tricky little buggers. I know the reality of a punishment spanking, and I want no part of that if I can help it. Yet on the other end, my brain has fully registered the amazing feelings of love that I have for J after such an event. It feels like a very nasty catch 22, and to that degree it may be one of the primary reasons why I’m now craving for the integration of various forms of pain into our sex life, in addition to the threat of punishments hanging over my head. Granted, the more erotic and sexual delivery pain will be a lot more pleasurable and bearable than a punishment spanking, but I’m not overly sure where J stands on that issue right now.

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