There are certain things that J doesn’t like me to say, which in her book crosses the line where foul or offensive language is concerned. A line that my little toe crossed over yesterday, and was caught by J. The penalty for that little slip was a quick hand slap to my rear, and provoked an interesting response. Before my brain could get my mouth in check I blurted out something like ‘oooh that was effective’, at which point my brain caught up with my mouth and began to backpedal at full speed. Given the look on J’s face at that point I wasn’t sure if I would get away with it or not, but luckily for me she was in the middle of cooking, so I managed to dodge that bullet.
Now, I’m not expecting anybody other than J to read this, but just in case I will mention this: please keep in mind that we’ve only just started working on this whole DD dynamic. As such, J really is doing an awesome job, but for her there is a bit of a learning curve in terms of sometimes being possibly overly lenient – this is a direct result of her not having a naturally dominant personality, but she is definitely learning!
So, given that I got away with it, and wasn’t really spanked for it, then why even bring this up? The answer to that is really connected to the statement that I made above. The only way that J is going to become more proficient within her disciplinarian role is if I give her constructive feedback, and as much as pain as it will cause my butt, I still really want her to grow as my disciplinarian wife. One could argue that it would be in my butts best interest to really just keep my mouth shut, and be grateful for getting off so lightly again. A small part of me would actually agree, and is currently in the back of my brain doing a small victory dance and having a party to celebrate; however, the more honest side of me knows that J’s leniency doesn’t help me grow as a person – which for me, is pretty much the underlying motive for wanting our marriage to progress into one that incorporates DD. I don’t like punishment spankings at all, because they really do hurt, and I want nothing more than to escape or get out of it once J starts spanking me; however, I think we’ve both seen the benefits that such a dynamic is bringing to our marriage, and I personally want that to continue – as I’m sure J does as well. As J progresses down this path, and becomes even more proficient with the implements, learns not to hold back as much, and is able to better gauge an appropriate severity, then I know that my butt is going to be in for a whole world of hurt. Strange as it may seem, that for me is a good thing, because I know that it will at that point really drive home the motivation to behave and potentially change for the better. It will certainly make me a far better husband to J, and I really think she deserves that.
The interesting question that arises from that exchange is this: how should J deal with offensive language from this point out? The obvious answer would be to just say be more strict about it, to the point of a zero tolerance policy. While I think that is actually a good place to start, it still leaves open the question of how J should actually deal with it at a physical spanking level. Should I be spanked for using language that’s offensive to her? Absolutely, because if it’s offensive to her then it’s also disrespectful, because I’m not taking into consideration how that language makes her feel. Once more it seems to boil down to a judgment on severity, but is somewhat complicated by some other possible complications.
Using offensive language when just J and I are around has far fewer direct consequences than using the same language in the presence of impressionable children, or in public where other’s are also subjected to it. Also, a tirade of foul language is probably also a lot more offensive than an occasional slip, not that the slip should even be tolerated. Finally, there’s the issue of repeat offenses, where the same words keep slipping out time and time again, even when previous correctional punishment has been dealt out. In terms of the last point, one could argue that time also plays a factor, in as much as letting slip something today, and then again in six months, is far different from letting slip today, later today, tomorrow, and next week.
This still leaves the question of how J should deal with it. I really don’t like making punishment suggestions, because I feel that it’s for her to decide; however, given what occurred yesterday then maybe a suggestion is potentially in order.
I’m actually reminded of an old British comedy sketch starring the Two Ronnie’s, where they were in a pub and kept swearing, but were forced to deposit money into the swear box each time they swore. How does that relate? Well, as I mentioned above, the offensive language potentially ranges from a one off slip, to a situation that involves other considerations – such as doing so in front of a child, constant repetition, etc. A single slip probably doesn’t warrant a fully drawn out severe spanking, such as those given for motivational or other serious behavioral infractions. In that respect, J’s quick slap yesterday was actually fairly appropriate to some degree, and acknowledges that same train of thought. On saying that, the quick hand slap was also probably far too lenient, because it didn’t really reinforce any desire to not do it again – if I were to be honest. My suggestion would be to have a fixed number of swats/strokes of whatever implement J deemed appropriate, with adjusted numbers based on the situation.
My suggestion, and I ‘m going to leave the actual numbers to J assuming she wants to adopt this method, would be that if I use of an offensive word when we are alone it would result say ten immediate swats/strokes. However, doing the same in front of a child, or in public where it could be overheard, doubles that number – in that case it would be 20. Repeating the same word, or even using offensive language again within a set period (say a week, and again this is just a suggestion, and should really be determined by J) increases the number again, possibly double or by another ten or how ever many J feels is appropriate. The implication is that if I were to swear in front of my neighbors child, then J’s going to give me 20 swats/strokes with whatever she deems appropriate at her earliest convenience. If, for some stupid reason, I do that again the next day, then I’m then going to get another 20, plus whatever else she deems appropriate for repeating the offence – all of which could well be applied on top of any bruises that I may have accumulated from any other spankings that week.
Like I said, that’s just a suggestion for J to get her started thinking how best to discipline this behavior. What numbers she chooses to use, or even if she chooses to use that system at all if entirely up to her. From my viewpoint, that ‘swear box’ type system, where you pay for each offense, appeals because it provides a deterrent that increases the more you abuse the offensive language. Knowing that ten swats could suddenly escalate to 20+ with a repeat offense, depending on circumstance, for me is a pretty strong motivator to not want to swear – which again is the point!
Anyway, that post was way longer than I had intended, but I think it needs to be addressed.