Having posted two posts today already, I wasn't planning on posting this one, but something just came up. Furthermore, I vowed to myself that I would be openly honest about my feelings and reactions on this journey with J - not only for my benefit, but also for J's, even if that lands me in a heap of trouble.
Yes, I know, a post title like that just has to be asking for trouble, and I'm a little concerned about posting it tonight; however, if I don't then I'm effectively cheating the system, and what's the point in that. I just admitted succumbing to a character flaw the moment J's back was turned, and one that I really hate about myself - in this case it was being weak willed, and seemingly inability to control the impulse to resist temptation when it was staring me in the face. Granted it wasn't anything major in this case, and was actually as innocent as eating a packet of candy when I said that I wouldn't. So, like so many of my problems it revolves around a deeper problem of honesty and integrity, the fact that it was just candy is really not the point.
Anyway, the main reason for the post really came about because J's response to that small confession was to ask me if I needed some motivational assistance, so as to remind me that being so weak willed in the future would be a bad plan, and that little voice in my head responded with the only sane answer - no, I'm good thanks! To J's credit, that was followed by a response to the effect of: do it again and discipline will be dished out. Which is fine, and she handled the whole thing fairly well.
So what's the point of this post? The point is that she asked me if I needed a spanking. That shouldn't really have happened. If she had said straight away that any further infractions along that line would lead to a spanking, then I probably wouldn't be posting this. A punishment should never be my choice. I've agreed to submit to J's decision whatever that may be. If she felt that one was in order then she should have left me no choice, but I think in this case her caring compassionate side intervened. She'll get the hang of this soon, she gave me some indications that I was walking a thin line this evening - something that she hasn't done in the past. Just hope that I'm not going to make her too effective, otherwise I'll never be able to sit down!
Just to clarify, I don't think her judgment was wrong. She issued a clear warning for future transgressions, but it was the way that the warning was given that I think is the issue.