Last nights spanking, whilst not the most severe I’ll probably ever get, still sent a very convincing and clear message my way. J is making it crystal clear that zero tolerance behavior will be countered with a very sore bruised butt, and that message is having a very positive effect on my thought process, and overall emotional state.
As such, I'm sitting here with a very bruised ass cheek, that's reminding me with every slight movement how stupid my action was that landed me in trouble. I’m also left feeling a little grateful that only one cheek was really bruised, but that will more than likely be rectified with tonight's scheduled pre-beach spanking. Yet, strangely I'm blissfully happy, and very content. I feel extremely well loved and cared for by J, and my respect for her as a woman and as my wife has never been higher. It's a very strange feeling, considering the pain that I endured, because one would naturally expect resentment or loathing, but for me that really couldn't be further from the truth. Every time I look at her now I just feel so blessed, lucky, and so much love for her that it's literally hard to contain.
Last nights spanking, without doubt, has irrevocably shattered any illusion of fantasy. It was very real, extremely painful, but also to some degree therapeutic. I grew up with parents that established few boundaries, never punished me to any real extent, so I rarely suffered any major consequences for my actions. Unfortunately, as an adult, I now have impulse control issues, which have been the bane of our marriage for a long time now. J is most definitely starting to correct those parental mistakes, and is beginning to deliver real consequences to begin correcting my impulsive behavior, which as we all know is being done through a very healthy and much needed dose of DD; furthermore, based on the last couple of weeks I would have say that it's working better than anything else we've ever tried. On a mental level it feels absolutely amazing, because I'm forced to face the consequences of my actions instead of trying to transfer that blame to an innocent party. Now, not only does such behavior lead to something that's physically very painful, but it also forces me to really understand and examine how my actions made somebody else feel. With that comes a natural feeling of guilt, and to some degree shame, which are emotions that I've never really had to deal with properly in the past.
The spanking itself, to some degree, doesn't feel like the really important part. Don't get me wrong, it's a very necessary part, and it needs to be excruciatingly painful, because that drives what I would conceive to be the higher purpose. I don't know about anybody else, but based on my last couple of spankings - especially last nights - the thought process after the first few very painful strokes turns into a very blurry, time stopping, mind numbing state of affairs. My thoughts cover such things as: please make it stop, I don't know if I can endure this much pain, and the classic I'm really sorry I won't ever do it again cliché! However, once the spanking has been delivered, and one is left with a very bruised, sore, marked, and throbbing behind that's when the real benefits behind the physical aspect begin to kick in – not just for myself, but for everybody else around me.
For me at least, I'm left feeling as though I was definitely punished for what I did, and a form of correctional justice was delivered fairly. I also feel a sense of remorse for doing whatever I was disciplined for, and that reinforces a sense of guilt; however, instead of the guilt be emotionally oppressive it feels a lot more healthy, because that guilt drives and reinforces the importance of not doing it again. I'll never be perfect, and I'm bound to slip up, probably doing what I did yesterday again at some point; however, I will almost guarantee that it won’t happen any time soon, where as before I might have done it again today, tomorrow, and next week without feeling any real lasting consequences.
That's why I think this works for us. It may not work or anybody else, but that doesn't matter. What does matter is that I can see already how this is going to dramatically affect our marriage in a very positive way. Based on what J has said this morning, then I think she is also in full agreement. She doesn't especially like spanking my butt, but she agrees that the benefits justify the hardship on her part - sheesh, wish I could have such an easy hardship, she should try my end!
The reality of a DD relationship has really set in now, and knowing that I face an extremely painful spanking whenever I'm irresponsible, disrespectful, hurtful, and annoying is pretty scary; however, it's also very satisfying, in that I know I will be a better person for it. I don't like being spanked, not in a punishment way at least, but given that there seems to be nothing else that motivates and inspires me to be a better person, then I'll happily, and without question, always submit to J's disciplinary hand for as long as she feels it’s of a positive benefit to our marriage. For that I feel blessed, grateful, and very happy - in a scary, are you insane kind of way!
As for tonight's scheduled pre-beach preemptive warning, I'm a little scared going in with bruises, but I also know that I should get one. I would much rather head to the beach with a nice blistered butt, than suffer a much more severe spanking when we get back; furthermore, I still didn't take care of the yard like I said I would, I made a couple of bad food related choices this week, and while the time wasting wasn't anywhere close to what it was last week, there still was more than there probably should have been. In short, I'm not expecting J to go easy on me, and she shouldn't. I'll regret being honest about that the instant she starts spanking me with no mercy tonight, but you reap what you sow as they say. I have no clue what she has in store, but it wouldn’t surprise me if all of the implements made an appearance to some degree.
On a side note, and for some stupid reason, I reminded her that she will have her hairbrush with her at the beach, so worst case she could always drive me to some place remote and make a quick attitude adjustment. I'm not sure, but I swore I saw a twinkle in her eye when I said that. Given how big her handbag is, it’s not like it wouldn’t fit. The day that I see her checking her bag to make sure that she had her hairbrush with her at all times, will be the day that I know J is really starting to embrace her DD role. Personally, I would love to see that transformation, but another part of me is screaming at me to be careful what I ask for, again!