I’ve never been spanked to tears, and without wishing to issue J a challenge, I’m not sure what it would take, or even if I could be reduced to tears through spanking – at least based on all of our collective experiences to date. I thought I came close a couple of weeks ago, but it’s hard to gauge with any certainty. Granted, J has yet to get really mad with me, and really blister my butt for any prolonged period of time, but the thought remains at the back of my mind if she could ever take me over that edge.
Also, a part of me wonders what the effects of being brought to tears would feel like on an emotional level, because I’ve heard it described as being very cathartic. Based on the punishment spankings that J has given me, even though they have been quick, sharp, and efficient, I’ve still been left feeling remorseful for my actions, and emotionally connected to J in a big way. So, would tears change those feelings in any way, or more importantly, would tears increase the intensity of those feelings any? Furthermore, if there is a feeling of remorse, then are tears even necessary? If you start getting into those types of questions, then it also begs to be asked, how can remorse be measured? Having asked those questions, the sane part of my brain is yelling at me, and is scrambling to remind me that curiosity killed the cat!
On a connected and somewhat philosophical note, how do you know when you’ve been taken past your limits? Is there even such a thing as limits when you’re dealing with punishment spankings? Where erotic spankings are concerned things become a little clearer, because your limits could be defined as the point at which it’s no longer sexually pleasurable, or where one exceeds a specific pain threshold – but even that is debatable for some; however, when you start to consider punishment spankings then things become a little more murky, at least based on those definitions, because – and this is just from a personal perspective – I know that within the first couple of swats of the paddle J is able to take me into the realm of painful punishment with crystal clear clarity. Obviously at that point my limit hasn’t been reached, or has it? Not sure that I can answer that with any real certainty.
So, if I’m not issuing J with a challenge, then why the title of playing with fire. Two reasons, first it feels like I’m putting ideas into J’s mind, which she certainly doesn't need; second, J and I have been looking at the canes from Cane-IAC.com. Basically, we feel that the one we have is not the best for punishment purposes, because it’s made of rattan, thinner than it should be, and its probably only a matter of time before it will most likely break – which is a problem when we have no backup. In relation to the latter, I’m left with a sense of dread and foreboding, because what she has been looking at on that site could very well push me past any limits I possibly have, and indeed reduce me to tears.
Anyway, J likes the look of the Power of Pink – Goddess Collection (http://www.cane-iac.com/items/acrylic~lexan-canes/popgoddess-detail.htm), and while it’s not cheap, they should last a lifetime; however, I find myself hesitant to place the order, because I think those implements in J’s hands would command a very healthy dose of fear and respect; furthermore, I feel that I may have lit a fuse, where my butt has written a check that it can’t cash by showing J that set in the first place. That and the fact that I’m not entirely sure if the sting of and acrylic cane is worse than that of it’s rattan counterpart.
Anyway, based on this mornings post/comments, I've officially handed all control over for DD related matters to J, so I guess if she wants it she will have to go order it herself! Ha! All of a sudden relinquishing control seems to have it’s benefits, unless she orders it of course, then I guess the jokes on me! She doesn’t seem too thrilled with the belt, so I probably don’t have to worry about her buying a strap.
So, even though a foolish part of me wonders how much of a spanking I could actually take, the other part of me is screaming at the top of its lungs that it doesn’t matter, because regardless of whether you can take it or not it’s a punishment spanking so you have no choice but to submit and accept whatever is coming my way. Hopefully, it will be a while before I push J to the point where she feels annoyed enough to submit my butt to an extended session, or heaven forbid multiple sessions, because the short quick ones are bad enough as it is! As the saying goes, it’s all fun and games playing with matches, until somebody gets burnt!