Bend Over–A Test of Submission and Will

I addressed my thoughts on spanking positions a couple of weeks ago, so I won’t reiterate any of that. When J spanks me she seems to either have me lay down with a pillow underneath me, or bent over a low chair so that both my hands and feet touch the floor. She has yet to experiment with other positions, and given that these seem to be working for her then I don’t really expect that to really change – which I will admit from a curiosity perspective is a bit of a shame.

However, there is one position that has been on my mind lately, and came about mainly because I found that I had become a little more flexible since exercising over the last month. That being bent over with ones legs spread apart, and ones hands resting on the floor in front of you for support. Basically a modified version of the classic bend over and touch your toes position, because while I’m more flexible, I’m not that flexible! Anyway, what really peaks my curiosity is not the actual position itself, but more the willpower and resolve to maintain that position when ones butt is being roasted.

I’ve seen that subject crop up on a number of blogs, and it’s one that really seems to pique my interest, because I know that I’m one of those people that really wants to take a severe spanking, but has low willpower and resolve when it actually comes down to it. As such, I don’t know why I would even be remotely curious to experience that position with that in mind, because I don’t think it would end very well for me. The scenario of being told to keep position otherwise extra strokes/swats will be administered, or worse the spanking will start all over again sends both tingles down my spine, and simultaneously induces a sense of dread and fear. Yet I still feel the desire to experience and submit to it, which I don’t understand given all of the above!

As to whether the position is better suited to a particular implement I can’t say, although I think it would favor something like the cane, because there is a pause between strokes that allows for one to recompose ones self making it easier to maintain position; however, being paddled in that position could be truly agonizing, especially if penalty swats are given for breaking position.

The position is certainly very flexible in terms of location, because it can be adopted almost anywhere on the spot. The positions that J uses now requires us to be in specific locations, which hasn’t been that much of a problem to date, but one never knows when a backup position could come in handy!

Painful Reminder (Sort Of)

Well it was a good run, because it was three weeks ago today when I got my last punishment spanking; however, J ended that run this morning, but not for the reason I thought she would, which took me a little by surprise.

Based on what she said in reference to my last post, I know she felt conflicted about giving me a spanking for confessing. In her mind, and I can only guess here, she felt that confessing a behavior didn’t deserve a punishment; however, at the same time, she also didn’t want me feeling that I got away with it – got to love those nasty moral catch 22’s. Anyway, given that no spanking has materialized as a result of that confession (at least not yet), then I guess I caught a lucky break on that one. I’m certainly in no position to say one way or the other if she made the right choice, because all DD related issues are hers to call and justify – besides, my butt is hesitant to write a check it doesn’t really want to cash!

So, if I didn’t get spanked for that, then what did I get spanked for? Well J and I have been experimenting more with me being a little more subservient to her. As such, she has decided that she wants me to become more of a gentleman, which means, among other things, opening doors for her, etc. I did fine over the weekend, but it just completely slipped my mind today, because not once did I open the car door for her. A trivial thing to some, but important enough for J to decide that I needed a quick reminder to not do it again. Which to some degree I find slightly ironic, because I confessed to ogling and drooling over other women, yet I get spanked for not opening a car door. Granted, it was a very quick reminder, and I think my cries of pain and apology, and pleading that I wouldn’t let it happen again possibly reduced my sentence somewhat – I think she’s still a bit of a lenient softy when I make that amount of fuss (yeah I’m a bit of a wimp when it comes to  a spanking, but it hurts!).

I didn’t want to get up this morning at all, and I seemed to ache all over, so to some extent being dragged out of bed at 6:30am didn’t put me in the best of moods. I wasn’t mad at anybody, but I just felt off, and to some degree very lethargic. That feeling pretty much hung over me all morning, and was probably one of the main reasons why I just didn’t even think about opening the car door for J today. I also wimped out of going swimming, which I probably shouldn’t have done either. In short, I was focused more on how I felt, than how she was feeling, or more importantly what she wanted from me. So in that regard, I think she was spot on with calling me out and giving me a sharp reminder – even if it was tempered by my pitiful noise.

Anyway, even though it wasn’t a very serious spanking – yeah it hurt, but it was fairly quick thank God – I noticed something else which took me a little by surprise. For some strange reason it seemed to snap me out of my funk (love that word, been waiting to use it for a while now), and to some degree it re-centered me. Now, I’ve read about that before in other blogs, but I didn’t really understand how a spanking could do that – after all it hurts, so how could that help you feel better! However, it did just that for me, and I can’t explain it, but she literally spanked me into a better mood, which put a smile onto my face (well, after she had finished anyways).

I can’t finish this post without saying how proud and impressed I am with J. She called me out when I didn’t even expect it, which is something new for her. She’s still learning, but is picking things up pretty fast. I don’t think she will ever lose the warm emotional empathy that she has, and my butt will probably fare better for that. She’s also getting a lot better at telling me what she wants and expects, instead of asking.

Integrity, Honesty, and Guilt

As much as it pains me to admit it, honesty and integrity are not my strongest suits – more so when it comes to stupid stuff. Having said that, I’ve seen a distinct improvement in this area, and there has definitely been some personal growth since J came onboard with the DD regime; furthermore, I now seem to experience a weird side effect, and one that I haven’t experienced much of in the past – that being guilt.

In the past I rarely felt much guilt as a consequence of my actions, mainly because I was able to convince and delude myself into transferring blame to the other party. Now things seem to be different, because J is keeping me accountable for my actions, so that mental defense mechanism is no longer viable.

Much to my surprise, this has also led me to feeling guilty about things that I haven’t been caught for, which is a unique and fairly distressing feeling to say the least; furthermore, to some extent, it almost feels like a punishment in itself.

Which leads into the subject of honesty and integrity once more, a topic that seems to be cropping up fairly regularly these days, and one that I could really use some personal growth in - although I will admit that I’m better than I used to be a month ago; however, it’s fairly clear to me now that when I experience feelings of guilt, then I know that I’ve probably done something wrong. That’s where integrity comes into play, and should really be accompanied by honesty by confessing to J what I’ve done so she can determine if I need a punishment or not; however, it’s the confession side (and therefore the honesty) where I seem to have a problem, because even though I feel guilty for not getting caught I find myself unwilling to confess.

A month or so ago I will admit to not having much fear about receiving a spanking from J, but in the past month (even though she has only administered four or five punishment spankings) she has become very adept and skilled in her delivery. I think my behavior over the past three weeks, which hasn’t resulted in a single punishment spanking, is a testament to how much respect and fear I have over her improvement in this area.

Granted, nothing that I’ve done has really been that bad (although that’s something that J should judge) over the past three weeks, and there's really only two incidents that come to mind.

I have a nasty habit of picking at my feet, which J finds really gross and has expressed the desire for me to stop. Unfortunately, out of habit more than anything I’ve still been picking, but not to the extent that I have done before. J did inspect my feet the other day, and she gave me a pass even though I thought for sure I was caught.

The other incident, and probably the more serious of the two, involved checking out other women. I think I only got away with that because J was too busy looking at her iPad to notice. Both incidents induced feelings of guilt, but instead of manning up and confessing to J I stayed quiet. The interesting thing here is that the guilt is eating away at me, and I honestly don’t know what's worse – confessing and getting a possible spanking, or keeping it to myself and feeling waves of mental anguish. To some extent I now understand why some criminals confess to the police, because it’s not a nice feeling carrying all that guilt.

I don’t know what J will decide to do based on this minor confession, because it hasn’t come up before. I don’t know if she will exercise leniency because I confessed or not, and that’s really for her to decide. The feeling of guilt has to some extent been lifted by posting this, but has been replaced by a gut wrenching set of butterflies in the pit of my stomach – integrity and honesty sucks! The only thing that I know for sure, I need to confess more willingly in the future.

Wall Flower? Nope, a Steel Magnolia!!

It’s been a fairly quite week around here, and I’m approaching the three week mark since my last punishment spanking. How long that streak will continue I have no idea, but the longer the better, because I know J is firmly committed to ensuring that she is heard when she administers a spanking these days. So until she deems it necessary to remind me to be a good boy, I’ll be trying my hardest to do what she expects of me in all areas.

An interesting development does seem to be in the works though, and one that ties in quite closely to the DD side of our relationship. Over the past week or so J and I have been discussing how she might increase her control over me, and based on today it seems that J has seen the light and is warming to the idea more and more.

J has always been put off of the dominant female role, because of the established clichés that surround the femdom culture. Whenever she thinks about being a more dominant type of female her mind immediately conjures up the femdom model, and that’s just not her. This past week J may have had some kind of breakthrough, because she has decided to shrug off that cliché and create her own vision of what she thinks a strong powerful dominant woman should be like. As she puts it, she’s decided to take on the role of a polite Mistress, and being polite doesn’t mean that she will be any less demanding, authoritative, or strict; however, she see’s herself as a Steel Magnolia, and for anybody that’s not from the South, you’ll just have to look that up for yourself!

So what does that all mean, well from my perspective it means that J will most likely take more control over me, such that she will be directing more of my time and energy around tasks that please her. She wants my focus to be fixed upon her, and not on myself. I will be at her command anytime she desires, which could mean that I do something as trivial as fetch her a drink, or open a car door for her, to something more time consuming such as giving her a pedicure. More importantly, I’m to do whatever she commands when she commands it, not when it’s convenient for me.

As strange as it may seem, it’s a welcome move as far as I’m concerned, and I’ll be interested to see how this runs its course over the next couple of weeks. If today was anything to go by, it looks like she really enjoying her new role, and the benefits that are coming naturally from it.

Settling Into DD

Not a whole lot to report on the DD front really, because nothing has really happened of any great significance. To some degree the novelty has just melded itself into the reality of our daily lives – by that I mean that the DD is hanging over my head 24/7 as it should, and it’s just there, sitting, lurking, and waiting. Meanwhile, my behavior is responding to that threat in a positive manner, so punishments are not being administered.

As to whether J is being too lenient or slipping up on certain things, well that’s not for me to say or judge. All I know is that whatever I’m doing obviously isn’t enough to warrant me getting a spanking, and I’m good with that! Also, J has been a bit under the weather that last couple of days, but is feeling better now, not that I think it makes that much difference.

I still don’t think we fit into any pre-conceived box, and nor do I think we ever will. Based on J’s personality, I know that a full blown FLR just isn’t going to happen, and I’m fine with that – in fact we’re both fine with that. DD was originally introduced into our relationship to act as a deterrent, and a real painful consequence, for the majority of my unpleasant behaviors and immaturity. Plain and simple, that’s really the crux of it for us. As a side benefit, it’s made me feel more emotionally connected to J, and vice-versa; consequently, that has invariably led to experimenting with other FLR type activities that really aren’t a part of the DD regime that we have in place, but could easily be categorized within the FLR category – for example, giving J a manicure, pedicure, massaging her feet, etc..

I have expressed an interest in her having more control in certain areas, and it’s something that she’s toying with right now. As to whether anything materializes from that experimentation is another story, but I remain hopeful.

Change: A Moment of Reflection

I've spent the last few days reflecting back on how life was a month ago, and the to say that there have been significant changes would be a gross understatement.

A month ago I was living a pretty selfish and self absorbed life, with J being left to deal with my annoying and frustrating behaviors. We weren't at each others throats, in fact I don't think I can ever recollect any arguments where voices have been raised, because that's not how either one of us dealt with anger and frustration. To some extent, we became masters of passive aggressiveness, which normally resulted in many hours (or days in some extreme cases) of silent treatment. Looking back, I can see so clearly now how unhealthy that type of behavior was, and it has no place in any marriage - yet alone ours!

DD, as I've mentioned before, was my idea - at least I think it was.  Although now that I think back, the re-emergence of DD in our relationship happened as a result of J reaching for a paddle that was laying around, and telling me to assume the position for something that I had just done - basically she had been pushed too far and it caught her eye, and out of other options she decided to give that a try.

Why did we have a paddle laying around one might ask, given that we weren't involved in spanking at that point? That's a good question, and the easy answer is that it was left over, and escaped the sex toy genocide from a couple of years ago, but had somehow made it down to J's desk over a period of time - there it say idle for a long time.

That was a very pivotal point, because in the past any spanking that we had meddled with was orientated towards a sexual erotic context. That spanking was very different, because there was no sexual contact, and was all business. That was something that I had never experienced before, and in all honesty it messed with my head and turned my world upside down. To say that it was unpleasant, again would be a vast understatement, because it left an immediate impression; furthermore, it was one that I wasn't keen on repeating, but as they say, the damage was done.

The following day, still nursing a somewhat sore bottom, I finally made a significant breakthrough where I understood the difference between a punishment spanking and an erotic one. I had always had the two mixed and confused as one and the same, but that light bulb was now shining very bright. It was at that point that I told J that for the first time in my life I experienced a very real and painful consequence as a result of my actions. That naturally led into a discussion about possibly implementing the need for some form of DD dynamic into our relationship, and the rest is now history.

So here we are today, about one month later, and the changes in our marriage and relationship with each other has been nothing short of miraculous. Communication is at an all time high (hey Bob, how you doing today?), J seem unbelievably happier than I've seen her in a long long time, and I'm a different person than I was. I'm still a long way from perfect, but it's amazing what changes you can make in your life when there is the threat of corporal punishment hanging over your head 24/7.

On a personal level, I'm a lot more attentive towards J, and I'm treating her more like the Princess that she deserves to be. I'm finally exercising on a very regular basis, eating a lot healthier, and as of this week I'm now well versed in the art of giving J a manicure and pedicure! In short, my life has stopped revolving around me, and has started to revolve around us, with specific focus on J. After some fifteen years of marriage, I can't even begin to describe how amazing it feels to still look at your partner and feel so much love and admiration for that person.

Would I change anything that's happened over the last month? In a word, no, absolutely not. I wish we had implemented a DD dynamic in our marriage years ago, but there's no point dwelling on the what ifs. I would recommend DD to any wife whose husband drives them insane, because it has the potential to change your life for the better.

Change and Evolution is Good

Bob (senorose4) made some comments over the past week or two, and they were beneficial for two reasons. First, it emphasized to me that this blog can only provide a very narrow view of my relationship with J, and second, it made me go back and re-read some of my earlier posts.

Going back and re-reading the posts was beneficial, because it reiterated how much J and I have progressed and changed in just one short month. I don’t think this blog has been the most exciting read for anybody, especially those that prefer to read about spanking encounters, because I don’t seem to be getting as many punishment spankings as I thought I would. This isn’t due to J being soft, or overly lenient, but more due to the fact that I finally have a very real and painful consequence hanging over my head all of the time; consequently, I’ve stepped up on my behavior, and as a result I feel that I’m growing as a person – more importantly, I think it’s made me realize how immature I was being. Net result being that I’m finally being a better husband, because I really don’t want my butt paddled and caned – which means that the deterrent is working!

Having said all of that, I do feel a little bit guilty for not having any punishment encounters to write about. To some extent it almost feels as though I’m luring people interested in DD/FLR/spanking to the blog, but I’m not delivering anything of any interest for them to read. Granted, I’m not going to brat to get a spanking just to satisfy y’all – sorry, but it hurts – so I guess I will just have to start writing about content that relates to those areas, at least while we wait for me to slip up (and trust me, it’s inevitable that I will). J has yet to make any noise about maintenance spankings, and we haven’t really talked about those in any detail, but I’m sure she’ll dish one out when she feels that my behavior is starting to slip, or when she thinks one is overdue.

I’m sure a lot of other bloggers go through similar feelings, but I originally wrote this blog to help J and I communicate about all of this DD stuff; however, now that I see that a few people are following, I feel compelled to provide them with some content that is interesting for them to read. So to some degree, this blog is also growing and evolving, just as my marriage to J is.

Anyway, for those that are still reading, thank you, and I’ll try and write about more spanking related topics and questions to keep y’all entertained.

Bye Bye Porn! Or Else…!

I love days like today, J is happy, I’m happy, and we were able to spend more quality time together all morning, and most of the afternoon – most of which was spent talking about all of the awesome changes that have been happening with our new DD relationship. The level of sexual tension has been electrifying all day, and J made sure I got plenty of playful smacks on the rear while we shopped.

Anyway, yesterday I admitted to her that I still have a serious problem with watching too much porn, secretly masturbating (yah I know, too much information), and generally wasting a lot of time surfing the net when I should be doing things that are more productive. Having also admitted that I could be tempted to hide such transgressions, we both realized that an honesty and confession system would probably not be the best in this case. So, stepping further out of my comfort zone, we both agreed that some form of computer monitoring system was probably in order.

After much research, we settled on an application called Track4Win, from track4win.com, which allows her to monitor my ‘work’ computer remotely from her computer. What we liked about that system is that it significantly reduces the possibility for me to try and bypass the system. She can monitor very easily if I ever turn it off, and she made it clear that I better have a dang good reason for doing so. Furthermore, it allows her to capture screen shots of my screen whenever she feels like it, again, without me knowing that she has done so. To top all that off, the application logs every web page that I visit, every application I use, and in both cases how long the active time was, and how long I was inactive. It’s a pretty good application that seems to do what we want, and at a third of the cost of other systems that are out there.

Now, I honestly don’t like the fact that she can see what I’m doing all of the time, but that really indicates that I’m doing things that I know I shouldn’t be doing. I’ve probably signed my butt up for some serious paddle/cane attention, but they are destructive habits that don’t belong in this marriage, and I will be better off in the long run for it. I know all of that deep down, but it still feels scary.

It almost feels like I’m in some massive happy bubble, but I get the feeling that it’s about to burst and my butt will be roasted for it. I hope that’s not the case, granted it makes for dull reading for y’all, but I can live with that!

Walking The Thin Line

Spent a wonderful morning with my wife, we went swimming, shopped a little, and had lunch. Granted, it wasn’t the most spectacular morning, but it was time we spent together, and I’m a lot more appreciative of that these days – for multiple reasons, not just the new DD dynamic.

I was a bit worried when I got home, because I got a ‘look,’ not ‘the look’, but a look non-the-less, because I made a comment that was bordering on disrespectful. I half expected to be sent to our bedroom for a quick reminder, but so far I appear to be in the clear. I swear, not knowing is far worse than knowing, because it really messes with your head.

Now that I’m no longer providing suggestions and help to J, and having officially handed her complete control of all DD matters (as it should be), I get nervous when she gives me any kind of look. Just because she hasn’t spanked me yet, doesn’t mean she won’t spank me, and I don’t know if she’s trying to make me sweat, or deemed that comment to be bordering on the edge and just gave me a warning look – which I think it was, but only time will tell I guess. On that note, mini-celebration, I managed to make it through a whole week without a punishment spanking.

Both J and I have noticed an overall change in my general behavior, which is a good thing. So something’s working here. Yes, I’m going to slip up, but I’m nowhere close to being what I was like last month. J also introduced erotic spanking into our sex lives last week, and that was just amazing. If nothing else, it reaffirmed the very stark differences between a punishment and erotic spanking, and I would much rather prefer that nice, intimate, erotic kind any day. No wonder my behavior is changing! I swear, if more women took up a hairbrush and let their husbands have it, the divorce rate would plummet!

Playing With Fire!

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iRitual, iList, & What’s With The I’s?

Everything these days seems to be iThis, and iThat, so I thought I would be a smartarse and do my versions too. Having said that, it also ties in with what I’ve been thinking about this morning, in as much as the world has turned into a generation of I’s.

Western Civilization as a whole is being conditioned to think about the self before the whole. I’m not going to go into a full rant about how the media is always pushing products down our throats, enticing one to think things like: I must have that, I want that, I need that, etc.; however, to some degree that’s what’s happening in the world today. This, among other factors, promotes more of an I attitude, than a we attitude, and I think that’s detrimental to a lot of relationships. Given that this is a spanking blog, I will leave that there, but it’s fundamental to the point that I’m about to discuss.

I will admit that when we started this DD side of our relationship, it was fostered from an I perspective. I wanted it, because I wanted to change, and I needed help in changing, and I wanted to make J’s quality of life better. See the theme there? It wasn’t born from a thought of we want this, or we need this; however, what I’ve come to realize, and I think J is on the same page but she will have to chime in on that for herself, is that it has become more of a ‘we’ or ‘her’ thing as opposed to an ‘I’ thing. Which is a good thing, because I think it has to be that way, otherwise there is no hope for it to even work. If it was just an ‘I’ thing, then over a period of time J would most likely let it slide, and most likely drop it completely. As it is now, with open communication, honesty, and in effect handing this over to her I’m able remove the ‘I’ element from the equation – or at least I’m trying hard to do that, because it’s not easy for me.

In short, this needs to work for J, and J must want to do this. It doesn’t matter what I feel, what I need, or what I want, it matters that she feels that we need this as a couple, and more importantly, she needs to feel that she needs this for herself. At an individual level, it just can’t work, and from our attempts in the past I can attest to that from personal experience. If J feels empowered by the DD dynamic, and feels that she has an effective tool to get my attention when she feels the need, then this DD dynamic will blossom.

Which brings me full circle to the topic title, because even though I try and deny it, I’m the kind of person that likes formality, ritual, and lists. I feel more comfortable when I’m in a structured setting, and I like familiarity. Why bother mentioning this? Well, having browsed a lot of DD/FLR blogs recently there seems to be a constant theme of using specific rituals with punishment. The most common ones that I see are things like being made to fetch specific implements and present them to the spanker, being told to go and assume the position and wait for the punishment until the spanker is ready, and being made to stand in a corner after the spanking has been administered, or worse, being made to stand in a corner in-between multiple rounds of punishment.

J doesn’t employ any of those types of rituals, but I will admit there is a side of me that find those ideas very appealing. Again, it appeals to me more so because of the formality and structure that it brings to a punishment, but note that it falls into the ‘I’ category again. J is very efficient in her punishments, and that to some degree is a blessing now that she is getting the hang of things, because it’s over in a a few minutes; however, I’m left wondering if that is the most effective way, or if drawing it out longer would be more beneficial. I’m not necessarily talking about spanking for longer periods, although she has that option, but more towards adding psychological warfare into her arsenal of weaponry.

Now at this point, I will admit that these thoughts are very ‘I’ orientated, and in truth while they appeal to me on a structured level, I’m inclined to also think that the fantasy of that is a far cry from the reality. Being made to stand in a corner for five minutes, or longer, would not be fun – especially if you know that it’s a pre-cursor to another round of punishment, same with assuming the position for a few minutes prior to her entering the room; however, when you think about it, that’s probably the point, because it’s not meant to be fun! Luckily, J hasn’t had the need to emphasize her point to ensure that she’s being ‘heard,’ (thank you Cathy and Scally for introducing her to that concept, grumble), so I haven’t been subjected to multiple rounds of spanking as yet – and honestly, I don’t want to either! It doesn’t mean that she won’t ever employ that tactic, and again, it becomes her choice.

Anyway, this is getting long again, but I’m well aware of my desire for structure and formality, and I’m fully aware of the draw that I have towards rituals and making lists. I’m trying to let all of that go, because I’m starting to realize that this isn’t a me thing, it’s a J thing. How she decides to carry out the punishments and maintenance is fully in her control, and I just need to learn to accept that – no matter how hard that is for me. It’s all part of trusting her implicitly, and I do! I’m sure that as she progresses down this road with me, she will develop her own ideas, and become the loving disciplinarian wife that I know she can be.

Who’s Running This Show?

I've been thinking a lot over the past couple of days about the formalizing of the punishments, with a view to assisting J and getting her started on a formal list to make it a little easier on her. Indeed, I actually did that today, and made some suggestions; however, it dawned on me, after reading some posts on Cathy and Scally's blog (http://the-good-dd-life.blogspot.com/), that maybe that wasn't a good thing to do.

To some extent it feels like I'm directing the punishments to suit me, and to some degree that would be hard to deny. I probably shouldn't have given count suggestions at all, because it's not really my place to be deciding any of that stuff, or placing those thoughts into J's head. In fact, I should be spanked whenever J decides I need to be spanked, and for however long J decides I need to be spanked for. There shouldn't be any hard and fast rules saying that I get 25 for this, or 30 for that, but more she should spank me until she feels that she has been heard. If that takes 1 minute, 20 strokes, 5 minutes, or even multiple sets with timeouts in-between then that's her call to make. Granted, having a more formal structure in place makes it a lot easier for her, but it should be her choice to decide if that's what she wants - not mine.

On the other side is the fact that we are new to this whole DD dynamic, for the most part. J also has other things on her mind than just worrying about  sitting down and formalizing some of this stuff - even though she said she would. To that end my intention was to try and ease her burden as she adjusts to the DD dynamic (which she is doing wonderfully I may add), but I'm starting to question if that was such a good idea.

This also made me think about maintenance spankings, such that they should really be done whenever J feels the need for me to be reminded to behave. There shouldn't be a any formal schedule, but more that if J thinks it's been a while since I was last spanked, and I'm getting a little cocky or pushing boundaries, then one is probably in order. Again, the severity and length being her choice not one that I suggest.

Anyway, wasn't planning on posting again today, but that stuff just came up so I thought I would throw it out there. I'm not saying she shouldn't or can't formalize things, but I think all of the decisions related to that should really be hers. I will leave it there for now!

Jiggling The DD Foundation

OK, so, as I mentioned in my previous post, I thought it might be a good idea to help J start formalizing the punishments, and defining a more concrete list of behaviors and actions that require a no tolerance policy attached. Not only will that list establish what will no longer be tolerated by J, but it will also provide me a way of expressing to J what areas I really need help with in order to become a better person.

We’re still in our first month of DD, and as such things are bound to need tweaking and adjusting, and that will become J’s responsibility once we’ve established a core foundation. If she deems a punishment to be too lenient, then she can increase what’s currently defined on the list; furthermore, if she thinks that the offense is being repeated too often, then again, she can increase the punishment to offer more of a deterrent.

I will also quickly note at this point, that the list deals with actions and behaviors, and not the motivational aspect – such as not completing pre-defined chores. One may wonder when does something become a motivational issue, and when is one a behavioral issue? From my perspective, something that’s attached to a motivational spanking is something that had to be completed by a set deadline – for example, keeping the kitchen clean by the end of each day, or finishing a set chore by the end of the week. A behavioral issue is one that hangs over my head 24/7, and ideally should be taken care of with administered discipline at J’s earliest convenience. As such, motivational spankings are due at the end of each week, we’re currently using Saturday nights, but that might potentially migrate to Monday mornings for more convenience on J’s part. If I complete all of the assigned tasks on my list for that week, then I don’t receive a motivational spanking. Obviously, the more chores that are not completed, the greater the severity of the spanking; furthermore, if the same task is not completed the following week, that too will increase the severity to encourage me to take that task more seriously.

OK, so I can see that this post is starting to get a little long already, so lets cut to the chase. What might be easier is to group the actions and behaviors into groups, such as irritating, annoying, intolerable – or something like that. Then the group can serve as a guide for administering the punishment. Obviously, the final numbers and/or times are down to J to decide, but I would suggest something like:

• Irritating – 10 hard swats with the paddle
• Annoying – 15 swats with the paddle, 5 strokes of the cane.
• Intolerable – 20 swats with the paddle,  10 swats with the hairbrush, and 10 strokes of the cane.

For each offence that is repeated that week five additional swats/strokes will be added onto the punishment. For example, if the same offense was repeated for the third time that week, not only would I be a complete idiot, but I would then get the set amount of strokes/swats listed above, plus an additional fifteen on top for repeating it for the third time. Again, all of this is just a suggestion to get J started, and she may feel that what I have suggested is too lenient or too severe, in which case she will adjust accordingly.

Finally we get to the list, and I’ll only list behaviors and actions that I can think of, and it’s really down to J to determine if she deems each one to be irritating, annoying, or intolerable.

• Lying – includes emotional honesty
• Watching / masturbating to porn
• Making J feel stupid through condescending comments
• Embarrassing J in public
• Being obnoxious and rude
• Being inconsiderate or unreasonable
• Being selfish, and not thinking about others
• Hurting others, either emotionally or physically
• Causing J undue stress, for example, back seat driving
• Not keeping promises
• Setting a bad example when around others
• Doing things that J considers unethical or immoral

Those are the things that are off the top of my head. J might have some more, or more specific variations, and she also will need to determine the severity of each one. Not sure if she will use any of my suggestions in terms of what an applicable spanking would be for each offence, but this should get her started.

Dang that’s a long list of character flaws – I’m starting to realize that I need to do a lot of work on my character, otherwise it won’t be long before I can’t sit down anymore!

Integrity, Honesty, and Accountability

It has literally astounded me how the threat of a punishment spanking has radically altered my general behavior towards J, and that is a good thing given that J has started to get into the groove of delivering spankings that are painfully effective. As such, since the punishment spanking that I received for beach incident, I think I’ve been a good little husband this week. At least I think so, because J didn’t order me to assume the position last night, but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything.

Granted, for anybody looking in on this blog other than J herself, that could be viewed as not such a good thing, because I’m sure those external viewers would much rather hear that my butt is red, marked, and very sore than the fact that I’ve been a good husband for the week. On saying that, given my past history of behavior, I’m bound to screw up sooner rather than later, and J would probably vouch for that.

Anyway, given that I’ve possibly dodged the motivational and behavior spanking bullet this week, I began thinking more about the related subject of integrity, honesty, and accountability. More so, because those are the areas where, as much as I hate to admit it, I would say I lack the most character as a person on a day to day level. Unfortunately, those are areas in ones life that matter the most, or rather should matter the most.

Lying for me has always been my Achilles heel, and was something that I learned and honed at a very early age. Here I now am, some thirty odd years later, and I still find that lying is a part of my life – even if the majority of them are small white lies to make myself feel better. J has made it clear that she doesn’t like it, and that’s one of the behaviors that will get me a punishment spanking; however, there have been occasions over the last couple of weeks where I’ve caught myself doing it, and it’s either slipped past J’s attention, or she’s let it slide.

That really brings me to the subject at hand, because things will slip J’s attention, but I will often catch myself doing it. On one hand, there’s a small part of me that will breathe a sigh of relief for getting away with it, but the side of me that wants to grow and become a better person will lay down the guilt and demand some accountability. When I stop and think about it, that’s why we allowed DD into our marriage in the first place. I need to be accountable for my actions that are unacceptable, at a marriage, social, and personal level. So, I guess this is where the integrity, honesty, and accountability come into play, but it’s also a very hard thing to do, because I know that the ramifications could be extremely painful – more so at this behavior level, because that could result in being spanked on my butt that was only just roasted for something else possibly yesterday, or even worse, a couple of hours ago. On saying that, isn’t that what strength of character and integrity is all about?

So, does that mean I should confess those actions, and if so, then when? There are some instances and situations where J would be unable to deal with delivering a consequence there and then, but does that mean that the confession should be deferred until the end of the day? Is confession even necessary? To some extent I would probably say that it is, because the punishment is meant to reinforce and act as a deterrent so that it breaks you of those character flaws; however, it can only really work if you’re honest with yourself. Yes, one could revel in getting away with it, but then why bother with a DD lifestyle if you’re wanting to cheat the system. I’ll let J chime in on this subject, and see what her take is on it.

J has yet to formalize the punishments in terms of behaviors and their related number of stroke/swats/time, and that’s fine, because I know she has other things on her plate. Having thought more about all of this, I’m left thinking that it might be a good idea for J and me to sit down and start listing out individual behaviors that she no longer wants to tolerate, and also behaviors that I personally want help with in correcting for personal growth – for example, not lying (even small white lies), no viewing and masturbating to porn, etc. From that list we can then assign a respective punishment for each offence. Maybe that will be part of my next blog entry, coming up with a list of behaviors and actions that I need help with in correcting and eliminating, so that it gives J a foundation to build upon.

Sheesh, these posts are always so darn long!

Public Spanking

This little gem of a thought has been buzzing around my head since we went to the beach last week, because I made a point of reminding J that, even though we were away from home, she would still have her hairbrush with her. If I became unruly she could always drive me to a desolated spot and make an on the spot attitude adjustment, luckily that didn’t happen.

To be honest, the thought of being driven to a desolate place and being spanked is quite a turn on, but it would have to be desolate, or at least somewhere where there was little to no chance of being discovered. Part of the thrill to some extent is obviously from that slight degree of risk, but the overall concept of being spanked on the bare ass while out in the great outdoors is just really appealing to me. Thoughts of heading to an out of the way country spot, setting up a nice picnic, having the sun shine down on us, a slight breeze blowing, the sound of a river flowing in the background, and exposing my cheeks for J’s attention just gives me goose bumps. It would certainly make picnics a lot more enticing! I’m not a natural exhibitionist, and I would be mortified if J were pull me over her knee and spank me at a shopping mall, for example; however, that type of scenario really stirs my loins, meaning it would fall more into the erotic category than punishment. Although, if she carried her brush with her while we were out, there would be nothing stopping her from finding a remote spot to deal with me there and then.

On a more discreet note, public displays of affection (PDA’s) is also something that I find fairly arousing. J will frequently give my butt a light slap in the grocery store if I’m hunched over the shopping cart, and I love that. To some degree I wish she would give me a harder smack, but I think that would cause her too much embarrassment. I also seem to be responsive to J’s nails these days, and it drives me wild when she scratches me with them. That’s also something that I would love to feel more of while we’re in public, and it’s something that can be done fairly discreetly.

The Brain Game

I often marvel at the complexity of the human brain, and all of the chemical reactions that occur within our bodies day in and day out. Of particular note in the spanking realm is the frequently mentioned release of endorphins, and the positive effects that they generate within our bodies.

This post isn’t really going to be about endorphins, not directly anyway, but more about examining and dealing with the thought patterns that I’ve been experiencing over the past week – primarily in relation to spanking, and pain in general, all of which correlate in part to endorphin production.

I can’t find any definitive answer to the following question: how long do endorphins, and any related endorphin high, last within ones body? From the minimal research that I’ve done, the answer seems to be connected, once more, into the realm of genetics – meaning that it will affect everybody differently. I’ve read a couple of articles claiming, after very intensive exercise, that they’ve felt the endorphin high last for hours, and in some cases a couple of days. To some extent, I would tend to agree that an endorphin high could potentially last at least a couple of days, but again this may not be the same for everybody.

Having received a punishment spanking yesterday, I still feel as though I’m still being affected by the release of endorphins. I say that because I’ve noticed that once I’ve been spanked, aside from the obvious sore butt, I’m left with feelings of relief, and an overwhelming amount of love and affection towards J. So much so that I feel compelled to be very attentive towards her, affectionate, and do things for her that make her feel loved, special, and appreciated – all in a non-sexual way. Even this morning, I awoke with the same feelings. It could well be that the initial endorphin release has triggered something else within me, and has carried all of those feelings over to today. In any case, it’s hard to argue that DD isn’t beneficial to a relationship when one is left feeling that way, and that’s how it is for me; however, it may well be very different for somebody else.

So what really induced this post this morning? Well, I woke up and had an overwhelming desire to be spanked by J, not as a punishment, but in a more loving and intimate way. I wanted J to take me over her knee, and then give me a long firm spanking with her hand, followed by a real blistering with her hairbrush. I’ve never had that strong of a desire to be spanked before, and it kind of took me by surprise – especially since my butt is still recovering from yesterdays punishment.

What I find the most peculiar is that I’ve been feeling a very solid draw towards sexual activities that involve varying degrees of pain, and while that in itself might not seem so strange, I’m not really into pain as such. I certainly don’t like the punishment spankings when they are delivered, and I would never want to provoke one, so it seems strange to me that my brain would encourage such desires. I’m starting to wonder if I’m a closet masochistic pain slut, and who knows, maybe I am to a certain extent; however, having thought more about, I’m starting to wonder if it’s more connected to the fact that the endorphins – which are a by product of inflicted pain – are addicting me to this amazing feeling of being so in love with J. To the extent that my body and brain are now craving additional pain, which will then continue to languish in this euphoric love paradise that I’m currently experiencing. It seems to make logical sense, but that’s the problem with the brain, it’s extremely hard to pinpoint certain things with any sense of definitive certainty.

Another psychological aspect that I discovered yesterday, in connection to pain and spanking, is that I love being marked by J. I love seeing and feeling the bruises that she inflicts onto my delicate butt, because it feels as though she has branded me to some degree, and marked me as her property. That for me is a huge psychological turn on, and I can’t fully explain why. I don’t need the marks to be permanent, in fact quite the opposite, because then they can be reapplied as an ongoing commitment of love between us. Unfortunately, to get the marks that I really desire, it would probably require J to give me a very severe spanking, and a large part of me really doesn’t want to provoke that kind of wrath. Which is why this is, to some extent, a little confusing still. I certainly don’t want a severe punishment spanking, because they are extremely intense and not at all any fun; however, it doesn’t seem to stop me fantasizing about receiving really deep and brutal welts that can only be gained from a harsh caning, even though I certainly don’t long for the caning itself.

In short, endorphins are tricky little buggers. I know the reality of a punishment spanking, and I want no part of that if I can help it. Yet on the other end, my brain has fully registered the amazing feelings of love that I have for J after such an event. It feels like a very nasty catch 22, and to that degree it may be one of the primary reasons why I’m now craving for the integration of various forms of pain into our sex life, in addition to the threat of punishments hanging over my head. Granted, the more erotic and sexual delivery pain will be a lot more pleasurable and bearable than a punishment spanking, but I’m not overly sure where J stands on that issue right now.

Quick Temper + Disrespect = Sore Butt!

Well we made it back from the beach, and on the whole the long weekend turned out to be a pretty good getaway for us.

The pre-beach spanking that I received kept me in line, right up until the point when we headed home. Suffice to say, I managed to loose my temper while driving back, because I basically didn’t know where I was going and we missed a couple of turns which caused us to backtrack. During that thirty or so minute period I could feel the pressure just building and building, then sure enough I exploded; unfortunately, J got cussed and shouted at, which was both rude and extremely disrespectful, not to mention unnecessary. At that point I was ordered to pull over and relinquish the steering wheel over to J, and I immediately realized my blunder and knew that I had crossed the line – like duh, no kidding Sherlock!

So, here I now sit, once again with a moderately bruised and sore butt; however, I knew that I deserved it, and J made no qualms about making sure I got what was coming to me. The only slight leniency that came my way was a result of the apology that I made soon after exploding on her. I think that’s one of the first times that I’ve actually taken responsibility for my actions in a situation like that, and even though my butt hurts right now, it makes me appreciate how beneficial DD is proving to be within our relationship.

In the past she would have been given the silent treatment, and even now there would possibly be some ill will festering between us. Instead I was able to realize that my butt was going to get spanked, which naturally led to an apology. The real cool thing, at least for me, was that after admitting that the behavior was my fault, taking responsibility for it, and realizing that a spanking was most certainly coming my way, it made me start thinking how lucky I am to have such an amazing wife. I have so much more respect for her as my wife, and admire the strength that she demonstrates by taking me in hand so that she no longer has to suffer with my crap. It just makes me love her even more with everyday that passes. My butt might think I’m an idiot for submitting to her discipline, but my brain can see the bigger picture for what it really is!

I’m also extremely impressed at how fast her spanking technique has improved, and I know without a doubt that when I’m ordered to assume the position that my butt is heading for a pretty mean roasting. I still think she is still harboring a little too much leniency, and to some extent may still be gauging severity on my cries of pain. Although, she is blocking that out more than she was a week or two ago, but I still think there is possibly some empathy or sympathy at play when she delivers the much needed discipline. On saying that, it may well be that I’ve yet to do anything that she considers to merit a really lengthy and very severe spanking. Quite honestly, I’m dreading that day, and I’m not sure I know what it would take, but I also don’t really want to find out.

J did say that she was going to sit down and formalize her punishments in the very near future, meaning that she will write down how many strokes or what time limit certain behaviors will incur. I don’t know if she will also specify specific implements, so I will just have to wait with baited breath and see what transpires. Personally, I think it’s a great idea, and it will give me a better frame of reference of where her head is at in terms of severity vs. specific behaviors. The other benefit that I can see to such a formal list, is that it could very easily remove any form of sympathy / empathy from the punishment on her side.

On a side note, I’m also starting to wonder if the cane that we have isn’t of the right thickness. It certainly stings, but it doesn’t seem to leave the marks that it probably should from a discipline perspective. The picture to the right shows an example of the kind of marks that I would really expect from a punishment caning. It could be that J isn’t using enough force, but I’m more inclined to think it’s the thickness of the cane that’s at fault here, or even that it’s possibly too short. I know the thicker the cane, the more likely it is to bruise, and the longer it is the harder it hits. Yes J will probably think that I’m insane for bringing this up, but the marks and end result play a huge role in our DD dynamic, because what’s left after the punishment acts as a constant reminder about the behavior that I was punished for. We’re not talking about erotic spankings here, so the whole point is that they should be as effective and painful as possible – including the after effects. Furthermore, the more effective and painful that they are, the more effective the deterrent. Receiving a caning that left marks like those in the picture, would most definitely induce a healthy respect and fear of ever wanting to be caned to that degree again. I know it would certainly get my attention!

Anyway, I’ve probably spent more time than I should have writing this blog entry, and the last thing I need is another reminder from J that I should be more productive – especially now that she seems to be very enamored with having a well behaved husband whose being kept in line by her hand. Just writing that gave my stomach butterflies – J, I love you so much!

Lenient Love, But Well Spanked!

It comes as no sunrise that I sit here with a well spanked, bruised, and very sore behind. Even though J still took pity on my poor bruised butt, as was more lenient than she probably should have been, she still made sure both cheeks would carry a very solid reminder of what awaits me if I make her time at the beach anything other than enjoyable. I managed to escape with fifteen strokes from each implement, those bring the paddle, cane, and belt.

The belt was a new experience, and J got in some real good strokes with that one; however, she needs more practice, and it appears that more than anything position is key for accurate and reliable delivery. Something that we will be addressing on the next usage no doubt. There also seems to be little leeway on delivery, it either lands correctly and really really hurts, or it misses, or lands incorrectly and leaves little impression. With more practice I can tell that it could potentially be close to being on equal footing with the paddle in terms of pain delivered; furthermore, with some practice, I think J could get a very fast and accurate momentum going with the belt, which at that point could surpass the paddle as the most severe implement J has available to her.

Anyway, keeping this one short. Heading to the beach tomorrow, with my best behavior packed and ready! J will have her hairbrush on hand, so I'm not entirely safe for the trip duration. The way my butt feels right now, I want no part of any spanking for at least a week if I can help it!

Spanked, And Happier For It!

Last nights spanking, whilst not the most severe I’ll probably ever get, still sent a very convincing and clear message my way. J is making it crystal clear that zero tolerance behavior will be countered with a very sore bruised butt, and that message is having  a very positive effect on my thought process, and overall emotional state.

As such, I'm sitting here with a very bruised ass cheek, that's reminding me with every slight movement how stupid my action was that landed me in trouble. I’m also left feeling a little grateful that only one cheek was really bruised, but that will more than likely be rectified with tonight's scheduled pre-beach spanking. Yet, strangely I'm blissfully happy, and very content. I feel extremely well loved and cared for by J, and my respect for her as a woman and as my wife has never been higher. It's a very strange feeling, considering the pain that I endured, because one would naturally expect resentment or loathing, but for me that really couldn't be further from the truth. Every time I look at her now I just feel so blessed, lucky, and so much love for her that it's literally hard to contain.

Last nights spanking, without doubt, has irrevocably shattered any illusion of fantasy. It was very real, extremely painful, but also to some degree therapeutic. I grew up with parents that established few boundaries, never punished me to any real extent, so I rarely suffered any major consequences for my actions. Unfortunately, as an adult, I now have impulse control issues, which have been the bane of our marriage for a long time now. J is most definitely starting to correct those parental mistakes, and is beginning to deliver real consequences to begin correcting my impulsive behavior, which as we all know is being done through a very healthy and much needed dose of DD; furthermore, based on the last couple of weeks I would have say that it's working better than anything else we've ever tried. On a mental level it feels absolutely amazing, because I'm forced to face the consequences of my actions instead of trying to transfer that blame to an innocent party. Now, not only does such behavior lead to something that's physically very painful, but it also forces me to really understand and examine how my actions made somebody else feel. With that comes a natural feeling of guilt, and to some degree shame, which are emotions that I've never really had to deal with properly in the past.

The spanking itself, to some degree, doesn't feel like the really important part. Don't get me wrong, it's a very necessary part, and it needs to be excruciatingly painful, because that drives what I would conceive to be the higher purpose. I don't know about anybody else, but based on my last couple of spankings - especially last nights - the thought process after the first few very painful strokes turns into a very blurry, time stopping, mind numbing state of affairs. My thoughts cover such things as: please make it stop, I don't know if I can endure this much pain, and the classic I'm really sorry I won't ever do it again cliché! However, once the spanking has been delivered, and one is left with a very bruised, sore, marked, and throbbing behind that's when the real benefits behind the physical aspect begin to kick in – not just for myself, but for everybody else around me.

For me at least, I'm left feeling as though I was definitely punished for what I did, and a form of correctional justice was delivered fairly. I also feel a sense of remorse for doing whatever I was disciplined for, and that reinforces a sense of guilt; however, instead of the guilt be emotionally oppressive it feels a lot more healthy, because that guilt drives and reinforces the importance of not doing it again. I'll never be perfect, and I'm bound to slip up, probably doing what I did yesterday again at some point; however, I will almost guarantee that it won’t happen any time soon, where as before I might have done it again today, tomorrow, and next week without feeling any real lasting consequences.

That's why I think this works for us. It may not work or anybody else, but that doesn't matter. What does matter is that I can see already how this is going to dramatically affect our marriage in a very positive way. Based on what J has said this morning, then I think she is also in full agreement. She doesn't especially like spanking my butt, but she agrees that the benefits justify the hardship on her part - sheesh, wish I could have such an easy hardship, she should try my end!

The reality of a DD relationship has really set in now, and knowing that I face an extremely painful spanking  whenever I'm irresponsible, disrespectful, hurtful, and annoying is pretty scary; however, it's also very satisfying, in that I know I will be a better person for it. I don't like being spanked, not in a punishment way at least, but given that there seems to be nothing else that motivates and inspires me to be a better person, then I'll happily, and without question, always submit to J's disciplinary hand for as long as she feels it’s of a positive benefit to our marriage. For that I feel blessed, grateful, and very happy - in a scary, are you insane kind of way!

As for tonight's scheduled pre-beach preemptive warning, I'm a little scared going in with bruises, but I also know that I should get one. I would much rather head to the beach with a nice blistered butt, than suffer a much more severe spanking when we get back; furthermore, I still didn't take care of the yard like I said I would, I made a couple of bad food related choices this week, and while the time wasting wasn't anywhere close to what it was last week, there still was more than there probably should have been. In short, I'm not expecting J to go easy on me, and she shouldn't. I'll regret being honest about that the instant she starts spanking me with no mercy tonight, but you reap what you sow as they say. I have no clue what she has in store, but it wouldn’t surprise me if all of the implements made an appearance to some degree.

On a side note, and for some stupid reason, I reminded her that she will have her hairbrush with her at the beach, so worst case she could always drive me to some place remote and make a quick attitude adjustment. I'm not sure, but I swore I saw a twinkle in her eye when I said that. Given how big her handbag is, it’s not like it wouldn’t fit. The day that I see her checking her bag to make sure that she had her hairbrush with her at all times, will be the day that I know J is really starting to embrace her DD role. Personally, I would love to see that transformation, but another part of me is screaming at me to be careful what I ask for, again!

So Close, Yet So Far!

Inevitably the time would come when I would, sooner or later, screw up and do something which J really has a zero tolerance policy for. That time turned out to be this evening, so I was told to assume the position across the low chair; however, I knew that this time I wouldn't be getting off so lightly. Not after last weeks disappointing result.

What's worse is that I knew I have pre-beach warning spanking coming my way tomorrow, and I nearly made it with a non-bruised butt. Now I know that I'm facing a spanking with a very bruised ass tomorrow night, and I'm very nervous. However, I fully deserve what came my way, and I think I can say it was my first very very real punishment spanking. J was not messing about with this one!

J let me keep my underwear on, or more to the point she didn't make any demands for them to be removed, so I kept them up! Not that it did me much good mind, she has obviously been reading and paying attention to all of my recent blog entries. Sure enough that nasty, yet really pretty, paddle was in her hand waiting for my immediate compliance to assume the position before her. Within moments she let loose, for what I can honestly say, has been the most painful spanking that I've had in my life. The real worrying thing there was that I knew that my infraction was fairly bad in her eyes, but it was still small by a lot of standards. If I ever make her really mad, or fail to do any tasks that she thinks is extremely important, then I know that I’m heading for a world of real severe pain. J most definitely did not hold back, and according to her, she rained down 35 really hard punishing swats onto my ass cheeks. I lost count myself after the first five, and I very nearly, for the first time ever, started to cry from a spanking. That's something that I had never experienced before, and that in itself was very emotionally liberating for me. Had she continued for much longer I would probably have been sobbing like a little girl. It took me a few moments to get up after she had finished, and it was very evident that I already had some serious bruising. Three hours after the fact my ass is still throbbing, and I can feel really feel the bruises now. Rest assured that was a lesson I don't want to repeat in a hurry!

Of course, J being the loving compassionate wife that she is now feels sorry for my poor hiney. I think in time she will harden up, at least I hope so. I was extremely proud of her, and I have a very healthy respect for her as a strong woman and a loving disciplinarian wife. The problem was dealt with immediately, very effectively, and I would even go as far as to say with the perfect severity. There was no discussion, it was get your ass over here now and assume the position. The only possible suggestion that I could even make to improve her technique, would have been to turn me around halfway through, and repeat the same intensity and count to make sure that both cheeks were equally punished and bruised. Very proud of you honey!

The real test for J will come tomorrow night, and whether she lets her compassionate leniency kick in. Given that our time at the beach is likely going to be a testing week for us all, what with family being as it is an all, I don't think she was planning on going easy on me. Now that I'm definitely bruised up, we will have to see how that affects her. Personally, I hope she can get past that, and be the strong no-nonsense disciplinarian that I know she can be. It's entirely my fault that I now sit here very well bruised, so she shouldn't let that alter whatever it is that she has in store for me tomorrow.

J, I love you so much - thank you for caring enough about me to take me in hand tonight.

Bottom’s Up!

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Timed vs. Stroke Count vs. No Limits

Last weeks motivation spanking, while it really hurt while it was being dished out, probably wasn't as effective as J had hoped. To some extent I would probably have to agree, more so because there was little to no bruising left as a reminder on the days that followed. Also, following my post from yesterday about offensive language, I'm starting to wonder if punishment spankings would be better suited to a more structured approach. By that I'm refering to them being set for a set number of strokes, or set against a preset time limit, as opposed to being freely open like they currently have been.

There are a couple of reasons why I think this should be considered, and note that I say considered, because once again this is really up to J to decide on what she thinks is best.

One of the benefits is that it removes that need for J to have to make a judgement call on when enough is enough, which I think is something that she us struggling with right now.

Another is that it would allow J to allot set times, or the amount of strokes, for each category of offense. Say for example I hadn't exercised that week, and to J that was a very serious offense on her list, then she could then say that added 5 minutes onto my motivation spanking clock with what she deemed to be the most severe of all her implements. Failing to cut the grass might be a more mild annoyance where she is concerned, so she might judge that to be worth 45 seconds with a less severe implement, or even a set number of strokes.

The downside is that it initially requires J to set predetermined times/strokes for the offenses that we’ve agreed upon. Although I guess there would be nothing from stopping her to decide on the fly. This also then allows for repeat offenses, like not cutting the grass, to steadily keep increasing in duration/stroke count each week until the task is actually completed like she originally asked. There's also probably no reason why she couldn't continually adjust her estimates as well - for example, if after the first week she felt that 5 minutes with the paddle wasn't close to being sufficient for not exercising, then she could decide that it needs to be adjusted up to 6 minutes, etc.

Another possible drawback is that this type of system will probably require her to take some form of note, so as to provide her with a reminder of strokes or times for each type of offense - which again implies some extra work on J's part, and might need continual editing should repeat offenses occur that mean an increase in the following week. Not that I think it would be that big of a deal really.

For really serious infractions, ones where I've pushed so many of her buttons that she is about to explode, then the open time format still has it’s place, because then she can then punish me for as long as she feels necessary, or until my ass finally turns the shade of black and blue that she feels is appropriate under the circumstances.

This raises the interesting question, which is better, timed, stroke counted, or no limit spankings? To some extent, for me personally, stroke counted is the most desirable, because mentally I'm dealing with a known factor. For J, I think counted would make her job easier, especially where minor infractions are concerned – such as the offensive language, and minor chores not being completed on time, etc. Timed, I'm not sure, because 5 minutes can seem like an eternity when your butt is being paddled, caned, or belted; furthermore, you could end up getting 20 strokes, or 100 strokes, because it is heavily dependant upon J's momentum. To that end, timed spankings are definitely more torturous on a mental level, but can in some cases offer that hope of not getting as many as you would had you been subjected to a count based spanking. Although I highly doubt the J would allow that to be the case. No limit spanking has to be the worst, for obvious reasons; however, if she's that pissed off at me to feel the need to apply one of those to my butt, then chances are that I did something very bad. So, to some degree that level of severity is probably warranted. Also, I would rather get a really severe spanking, and then be able to apologise sincerely so that we can then put it behind us and move on - as opposed to us being pissed off with each other for a couple of days.

Anyway, those are my initial thoughts on this topic. What J decides to do is entirely down to her, and I trust her judgment implicitly. I also appreciate that if she does pick up any of these suggestions, then there might also be a period where timings, or counts need to be adjusted to ensure the correct balance and intended severity.

And You’re Asking Me, Why?

Having posted two posts today already, I wasn't planning on posting this one, but something just came up. Furthermore, I vowed to myself that I would be openly honest about my feelings and reactions on this journey with J - not only for my benefit, but also for J's, even if that lands me in a heap of trouble.

Yes, I know, a post title like that just has to be asking for trouble, and I'm a little concerned about posting it tonight; however, if I don't then I'm effectively cheating the system, and what's the point in that. I just admitted succumbing to a character flaw the moment J's back was turned, and one that I really hate about myself - in this case it was being weak willed, and seemingly inability to control the impulse to resist temptation when it was staring me in the face. Granted it wasn't anything major in this case, and was actually as innocent as eating a packet of candy when I said that I wouldn't. So, like so many of my problems it revolves around a deeper problem of honesty and integrity, the fact that it was just candy is really not the point.

Anyway, the main reason for the post really came about because J's response to that small confession was to ask me if I needed some motivational assistance, so as to remind me that being so weak willed in the future would be a bad plan, and that little voice in my head responded with the only sane answer - no, I'm good thanks! To J's credit, that was followed by a response to the effect of: do it again and discipline will be dished out. Which is fine, and she handled the whole thing fairly well.

So what's the point of this post? The point is that she asked me if I needed a spanking. That shouldn't really have happened. If she had said straight away that any further infractions along that line would lead to a spanking, then I probably wouldn't be posting this. A punishment should never be my choice. I've agreed to submit to J's decision whatever that may be. If she felt that one was in order then she should have left me no choice, but I think in this case her caring compassionate side intervened. She'll get the hang of this soon, she gave me some indications that I was walking a thin line this evening - something that she hasn't done in the past. Just hope that I'm not going to make her too effective, otherwise I'll never be able to sit down!

Just to clarify, I don't think her judgment was wrong. She issued a clear warning for future transgressions, but it was the way that the warning was given that I think is the issue.

Choices, Choices…

Wow, that picture contains a lot of implements, and thank God it’s not J’s collection – although a small part of me thinks that could be secretly cool, in a scary kind of way!

The picture, which I came across when searching for a picture for one of my other blog entries, got me thinking about implements, and which ones that I prefer / hate. The voices are screaming at me that this is a stupid post to make, because I know J will read it, and it gives her information that she doesn’t need to be know – especially when a severe spanking is being dished out. Unfortunately, the other side of my brain thinks it’s information that J should be aware of, because it will make her more effective as my loving disciplinarian wife.

This may also be premature, because J (presently) only has a choice of five implements:

• Paddle
• Cane
• Crop
• Belt
• Hairbrush

Given that she has yet to even use the belt or hairbrush on me, I cannot say with any certainty where they fall in the line up; however, I have a feeling that the belt has the potential to be the most painful and most effective. Only time will tell on that one. Same goes with the hairbrush, J hasn’t had the cause or the opportunity to use that yet, but I think given the smaller surface area on the business end it could end up pretty high on the list.

The remaining three have been applied in the last week or so. The paddle is pretty mean, and again has the potential to be very severe in its application once J gets more comfortable with it. When applied with more force it will definitely leave deep bruises, and it hurts like hell – even more so if J gets comfortable enough to get a momentum going. Something that I think she has yet to do fully, but I’m pretty sure it’s coming. At present, this is my least favorite implement, mainly because if J gets a momentum going, and unleashes a flurry of swats with little to no pause, it hurts like nothing I can even begin to describe. It’s definitely an effective punishment implement.

The cane, to some degree, is my favorite right now, because there is usually a pause between strokes. Also, based on J’s technique, it’s currently the one that is guaranteed to leave marks and bruises that last a couple of days. Which for me is desirable, because I then get to feel it for a couple of days after, and it reminds me to behave. On the other side, it can also rank up there with the paddle, because the cutting strokes are also really painful and a lot more concentrated than those of the paddle. So, really the cane is a weird one for me, I like it and hate it at the same time. It’s still a very effective implement in J’s hands, and I’m not sure if she’s using full force or not right now.

The crop pretty much falls into the same category as the cane, because it inflicts the same feelings and effects.

It will be interesting to see how J progresses over the coming months. I have a nervous excited anticipation for an experience with the belt, but I’m sure that will change the moment J lands the first stroke. Not sure I want any part of the hairbrush!