Many don't understand it, and I know J certainly doesn't understand it - why does a grown man want to be spanked by his wife? Again, it's not really an easy question to answer, and it's one that I've tried to answer as much for myself as well as for J over the years. On saying that, there are a number of conclusions that I've finally come to, to the point that I'm pretty much at peace with being able to answer that question for myself. I don't think that there is a universal answer thats the same for each individual, so this isn't in any way shape or form an attempt to reveal the mysteries of the universe where spanking is concerned; however, it's the answer that I can accept, and best explains my desire to be spanked by the woman I love most in the whole world.
I'm sure there are a lot of people that will disagree with me on this point, but I really do think that there is some link to genetics. I won't go into details, but there is a history of spanking in our family. Granted I'm no genetic scientist, but from what I have studied there seems to be a definitive connection between genes, DNA, and traits. I would therefore conclude, that to some degree, that I was born with this disposition towards wanting to spank/be spanked. However, this is just a theory, and I have no concrete proof either for or against such a hypothesis - but for me personally, it helps me to accept that I am the way that I am. Other people may not like it, or even understand it, but at the most basic level, and at the very heart of the question, it's my genes and DNA that help define who I am as an individual. I think for that reason alone, that’s really why it's so hard to answer the question with any concrete definitive reasoning. Sure you could say that you like being spanked, because you like the pain, or the humiliation, or any other number of reasons, but it still comes back to – but, why do you like that? You could still reasons that like being spanked, because you like the pain, and it may sound like a good answer that satisfies you, but it still doesn’t answer why you like pain? At some level it has to boil down to something biological. Some things may never be truly explained.
So, getting away from the philosophical viewpoint, I'm left with a base answer that I'm really at peace with, and can accept as the root cause for my masochistic tendencies. The problem is that this answer, while it satisfies me, is rarely sufficient to convince somebody that has absolutely no desire whatsoever to be spanked - which in most cases is likely to be your significant other. It's at that point that one has to start contemplating the more psychological and emotional reasons for wanting to subject ones cute hiney, cute being highly subjective, to such voluntarily torturous abuse.
Again, this is an area that I've spent a very long time contemplating over the years, and quite honestly it wasn't until I was able to separate the difference emotionally between a punishment spanking, and a more erotic spanking, that I was able to make any real headway. Sure, I got real good at deluding myself with all manner of reasons, most of which I masked behind a very superficial veil of sexual gratification, but it really goes far deeper than that - at least for me. The key, for me at least, was that I hadn't identified the fact that there are two very distinct and separate types of spanking activity. This may not be the same for anybody else, but that's how it is for me, and this is far from ground breaking news for the majority of those people who like to be spanked; however, I have always had the mentality that the two were combined as one and the same - when in fact, where I'm concerned, they are indeed two very different beasts. Granted some of the emotional and physical reasons overlap for desiring each type of spanking, but there are also key differences that I needed to understood if I was to stand any real chance of trying to explain my desire to be spanked to J. In my mind, that one key point alone has probably been one of the primary reasons, not the sole reason, why all of my past attempts at getting J onboard my spanking wagon has resulted in multiple train wrecks.
Again, my psychological and emotional reasons for wanting to be spanked by J are not going to be the same for everybody, but there may be commonalities when compared to other spankees; however, it's now very clear to me that until you can be brutally honest with yourself and your significant other, you'll never fully answer this question with any level of real clarity. I’ll save my reasons connected to erotic spankings for another post, right now I’ll deal with the more pressing issue of punishment spankings.
Reasons Why I Want/Need/Desire Punishment Spankings
- I honestly have little to no impulse control, but the threat of a painful spanking being held over my head provides me with a very real, and very painful consequence.
- Given past relationships, especially during my teen years, I’ve built up a very good toolbox of mental defenses; consequently, this means that my coping mechanism when somebody gets upset with me, because I’m being disrespectful or a general asshole, is that I can delude myself into thinking that the problem is with them and not me. It’s them that are being too sensitive, or they are being the asshole, or they have no sense of humor. The problem here is that when it’s tied to the previous point made above I’m able to mentally insulate myself and from feeling responsible, and in my mind there’s no real consequence; yet the people around me get hurt and offended.
- It’s not fair to give J no viable recourse when I’m disrespectful, obnoxious, and a general asshole. When she gets hurt or upset my mental defenses shoot up, and we’re left in a stale mate where I invariably give her the silent treatment. It’s not healthy, and becomes a vicious circle where hate and resentment can build. By submitting to J’s discipline that mental defense is removed, because I can no longer hide behind it. There is then a consequence once more for my actions – one that wouldn’t normally be there.
- I trust my wife, J is a very stable and strong woman who I have great respect, trust, and admiration for. It’s incredibly rare for her to make a bad judgment call, especially where my behavior is concerned. If she calls me out, whether it be for something that I’ve done/said to family, friends, or even strangers I trust her implicitly. In that respect, I know her discipline has the potential to make me a better person, and as a result a better husband – and that’s something that she deserves.
So there it is, those are the primary reasons why I would even consider submit a spanking punishment by J’s hand. It may not be right for others, but I think it’s something that could be very beneficial to our marriage.