For me personally, there is now a great divide between what I would consider a punishment spanking, and one that is more orientated to be sexual in nature. As crazy as this sounds, this was actually a fairly recent discovery for me. In the past, whenever I’ve tried to initiate some form of spanking play between J and myself, it has always been sexually motivated on my part – even if it was thinly veiled under the guise of wanting her to punish me, which invariably always led to some form of sexual contact and interaction. It wasn’t until earlier this week, when J decided to paddle my ass for being disrespectful and telling lies, that I got my first real taste of a punishment spanking. By that I mean that there was zero sexual interaction, before, during, or after the paddling. That was something that I hadn’t experienced before, and it was at that point that I finally made the distinction between a true punishment spanking, and and erotic spanking finally dawned on me. It also became clear that the punishment spanking wasn’t as desirable either!
Obviously, based on my last post, something has potentially changed, because my sweet vanilla J appears to be coming around to the idea of being my much needed disciplinarian. The question is, what? This is something that I’ve been reflecting on quite a bit over the past week, and like most innocuous questions of that type, the answer feels somewhat elusive and as always a little complicated.
The only way I can describe it is that things change – not that it takes a genius to make that deduction. What I mean is that our relationship seems to be growing stronger with every year that passes us by; consequently, we’re more emotionally connected than we’ve ever been, and I’m definitely a different person than what I was some ten or so years ago. Those things matter, and more importantly they influence events. What we appear to be considering now, in terms of J being my disciplinarian, is something that previously wasn’t even a consideration for many reasons; furthermore, I’m hoping that some of this will carry over to our bedroom play occasionally – but one step at a time!
Be Careful What You Ask For!
The picture at the top of this post, depicting the canyon with a fiery molten pit at the bottom, feels like a very poignant reminder of where I currently see myself. I stand teetering on the very edge of a deep ravine, where a sufficiently strong breeze will send me plummeting into a world of fiery pain. The strong breeze being a metaphor for J embracing this new dynamic in our marriage – hey, maybe I did pay attention in English class after all! The point being, as mentioned in the previous post, I ‘m not really sure where this is going in terms of a lifestyle change. I’m swimming in a world of hope, fear, dread, and excitement; however, it appears that J is potentially starting to get behind the idea of being my loving disciplinarian, but it’s still too early to say for sure. Based on the no-nonsense caning that I got on Friday night, early indicators show that the breeze could possibly be strong enough to send my ass over the edge into the fiery gorge below.
To some degree, what I’m asking for – in terms of J being my disciplinarian – is very paradoxical, because it’s something that I want and don’t want at the same time. I’m sure you’ve seen the cartoons where the Angel sits on one shoulder, and the Devil on the other, well it almost feels like that. One voice is whispering to me saying that I want and need her to be a strict, no-nonsense disciplinarian, who is harsh with the corporal punishment when I disrespect her, or turn into a general asshole; however, the other voice is telling me that punishment spankings hurts like hell, and to run the other way. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on your sadistic/masochistic viewpoint, for some unexplainable reason, my view is heavily biased towards desiring the discipline.
I will admit to being a closet viewer of spankingtube.com. This week I came across a set of videos posted by a couple (one of which is embedded below), and for various reasons it’s been stuck in my mind all week; however, this is where I start to get a little nervous, because part of me wants J to see it, and part of me doesn’t. I will admit that the paddling that I got this week was fairly lenient, especially when compared to the video shown below, and her technique was maybe a little off – all things that I’m sure will change with more experience and practice. Now, I’m all for wanting her to be effective, but if J sees this it might make her too effective – if there can ever be such a thing! I honestly have no idea how her husband stayed in position, but I would almost guarantee she definitely got her message across. I know I would never do what he did again! Also, maybe I’m weird, but there is just something extremely sexy about a no-nonsense woman like that!
Note: Unfortunately, the embedded video below uses a flash player to view – those using an IPad, or similar device that can’t play flash videos will have to view it from a browser/computer that can – sorry!