Monday, July 25, 2011

The Line In The Sand

Must admit that things are looking very good right now, in as much as I mustered the courage to point J at the blog, and it has been very well received by her. This just reinforces the notion that communication in relationships is key, like duh, who would have thunk it. By finally admitting to both myself and J the truth about why I feel the need to be spanked and disciplined by her, and how it could not only potentially benefit me, but more importantly her, as well as our marriage as a whole, she's appears to be totally onboard right now – especially as she has seen a positive effect from the last dose of punishment that was dished out. Part of me wants to jump with joy, the other part of me wonders if it was a good idea to wake the sleeping lion.

The next logical step down the Domestic Discipline (DD) highway is probably to establish some house rules, and this isn’t really something that J and I have really talked about so far; however, given J’s newly found appreciation for the benefits that corporal punishment seems to have upon my attitudes and behaviors, discussing a preliminary set of behavior/house rules seems appropriate. That way I have no excuse when I get called out. Again, this feels like something that I need to defer to J, but I’m wary of placing too much on her given that she’s still adjusting to this new dynamic. So, I’ll take the initiative and get a basic list started, and one that she can add to and amend over time.

  • No disrespectful behavior towards her, family, or anybody else – no excuses.
  • No lying – including silly white lies.
  • Be considerate of others, because it’s not all about me!

BadAttitudeThat’s it? It’s a short list isn’t it, but when you consider the meaning of the word ‘disrespectful’ the short list really isn’t that short, because disrespectful behavior encompasses many facets – such as being rude, discourteous, offensive, use of foul language, bad-mannered, insolent, and insulting behaviors to name but a few. It’s actually a very good rule, as far as rules go, because disrespect is in the eye of the holder, and in this case that beholder is J. It doesn’t matter what I view disrespectful behavior to be, what's important here is what J defines disrespectful behavior to be – further more I making a commitment to abide by her definition, and not mine. No lying is an obvious one, and really goes without saying. I’m not proud of this, but I have a tendency to tell a lot of white lies to make myself feel more important than I really am. It’s not a pleasant and desirable trait, and it’s one that needs to be addressed – something I think J is more than happy to assist with. As for the final item, I can also be a self-serving asshole, where I will only take into consideration my feelings, and what I want to do, and consider how it will affect me. Again, not a pleasant characteristic, and one that I don’t like about myself.

As to the severity of each offence, I leave that entirely to J to decide. Obviously some things will be more important to her than others, and I guess it will also depend on how badly I mess up – for example, drinking from the milk carton isn’t anywhere near as bad as disrespecting her directly by making her feel useless and stupid.

Motivation And A Guiding Hand

Closely connected to ‘the rules,’ is what I can only refer to as a request for motivational guidance, specifically in areas of my life that I choose to ignore because I’m either being plain lazy, or I just don’t want to deal with them – which to some extent could fall under the final rule listed above.

Given our current situation, there’s no excuse for the amount of time that I waste each and everyday, and it really boils down to me procrastinating and being lazy. I keep telling myself that I will change, or I’ll put it on the list, or that I’ll start next week, but guess what, next week arrives and the same excuses are right there. In part this comes down to my ability to be able to delude myself into accepting the excuses as being valid, but clearly they aren’t. This is a list of things that I should be doing, but I’m not:

  • Top of the list has to be exercising. My blood pressure is high, even though I ‘m on medication, I’m carrying more weight than I should be – it’s stupid and dangerous, and I don’t know why I can’t motivate myself on that fact alone, well that’s not true, I’m lazy!
  • Closely related to the one above is that I’m not eating healthy, and it’s not fair on either one of us for a number of reasons given our current circumstances.
  • I need to do something more productive with my time, other than just wasting it. I waste more time than I should by browsing the internet (especially where porn is concerned), playing too many games, and just not really being as productive as I could be by any stretch of the imagination. It’s clear that I really enjoy writing, so it would make sense to pick up writing that novel that I started, but be a lot more consistent with getting a specific word count on paper on a regular basis – like Monday to Friday.
  • I need to stop putting off chores that you ask me to do, by relegating them to ‘the list’. To some extent, that could be construed as disrespectful behavior, but there is a definite lazy and selfish self-centered factor at work there.
I guess that’s my cry for help. How or if you choose to deal with any of that I will leave entirely to your judgment, because I trust you to be firm but fair.

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