No, J hasn’t locked me in a small box – and I hope she never does. I’m referring to the idea of being pigeon holed into a specific category, but what if you don’t fit any pre-existing categories?
I think for J, this has been a real problem area in the past, and has been an issue that has constantly prevented us from experimenting with any form of spanking orientated lifestyle within our marriage. To be clear, if any spanking is to be done, it’s J that’s going to be doing it – and I’m perfectly fine with being on the receiving end. Anyway, in terms of females spanking males (F/M), it seems that one is assumed to fall into one of a couple of preordained relationship styles - such as the stereotypical Mistress/Slave, Mom/Child, or the Female Led Relationship (FLR) – especially when you start talking about lifestyle choices.
This, for J at least, from what I can gather, has pretty much been a show stopping road block when considering any form of lifestyle that involves spanking. This is primarily because she doesn’t want to be seen as the Mother in our marriage with me relegated to a child role in her eyes, and she has no desire to be the day-to-day dominant partner who runs the show. Our marriage has thrived because we have, and always will, work as a team; consequently, all major (and most minor) decisions are talked about and agreed upon together, which I feel is the way it should be in a marriage. Granted, I know some who fit nicely into those pre-existing clichés will disagree, and I’m fine with people disagreeing with me on that issue; however, for us, having one sole dominant relationship leader would never work within our marriage dynamic.
So, if we aren’t a pre-existing category then what are we? That’s a good question, and the short answer is that right now I don’t really know. Things are still in what I would describe as the experimental stage. To some extent J and I are feeling each other out, but we’re off on the right foot – at least it feels that way to me! Much to my surprise and delight, in a scary yet excited and hopeful way, took the initiative on Friday night to give me a preemptive caning as a warning about embarrassing her in public. She made it perfectly clear, in no uncertain terms, that any future transgression in that regard would result in a caning far worse than what she actually had given me. From my point of view, that was a major step in the direction of her starting to embrace this new lifestyle that we’re toying with, which fills me with excitement, fear, dread, and strangely hope! Suffice to say, the message was received loud and clear, but I guess that was the point!
Anyway, in my mind it seems that we’re creating our own box, where to the outside world J is my loving wife with whom I have an equal day-to-day partnership; however, in private, J maintains that same public role, but also becomes my guiding conscience, dishing out severe disciplinarian style consequences with a paddle or cane to keep me in line, and improve my overall character. I guess the real short answer is that our box is under construction, where the blueprints are just a little bit on the complicated side, but that’s life right?
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