Lenient Love, But Well Spanked!

It comes as no sunrise that I sit here with a well spanked, bruised, and very sore behind. Even though J still took pity on my poor bruised butt, as was more lenient than she probably should have been, she still made sure both cheeks would carry a very solid reminder of what awaits me if I make her time at the beach anything other than enjoyable. I managed to escape with fifteen strokes from each implement, those bring the paddle, cane, and belt.

The belt was a new experience, and J got in some real good strokes with that one; however, she needs more practice, and it appears that more than anything position is key for accurate and reliable delivery. Something that we will be addressing on the next usage no doubt. There also seems to be little leeway on delivery, it either lands correctly and really really hurts, or it misses, or lands incorrectly and leaves little impression. With more practice I can tell that it could potentially be close to being on equal footing with the paddle in terms of pain delivered; furthermore, with some practice, I think J could get a very fast and accurate momentum going with the belt, which at that point could surpass the paddle as the most severe implement J has available to her.

Anyway, keeping this one short. Heading to the beach tomorrow, with my best behavior packed and ready! J will have her hairbrush on hand, so I'm not entirely safe for the trip duration. The way my butt feels right now, I want no part of any spanking for at least a week if I can help it!

Spanked, And Happier For It!

Last nights spanking, whilst not the most severe I’ll probably ever get, still sent a very convincing and clear message my way. J is making it crystal clear that zero tolerance behavior will be countered with a very sore bruised butt, and that message is having  a very positive effect on my thought process, and overall emotional state.

As such, I'm sitting here with a very bruised ass cheek, that's reminding me with every slight movement how stupid my action was that landed me in trouble. I’m also left feeling a little grateful that only one cheek was really bruised, but that will more than likely be rectified with tonight's scheduled pre-beach spanking. Yet, strangely I'm blissfully happy, and very content. I feel extremely well loved and cared for by J, and my respect for her as a woman and as my wife has never been higher. It's a very strange feeling, considering the pain that I endured, because one would naturally expect resentment or loathing, but for me that really couldn't be further from the truth. Every time I look at her now I just feel so blessed, lucky, and so much love for her that it's literally hard to contain.

Last nights spanking, without doubt, has irrevocably shattered any illusion of fantasy. It was very real, extremely painful, but also to some degree therapeutic. I grew up with parents that established few boundaries, never punished me to any real extent, so I rarely suffered any major consequences for my actions. Unfortunately, as an adult, I now have impulse control issues, which have been the bane of our marriage for a long time now. J is most definitely starting to correct those parental mistakes, and is beginning to deliver real consequences to begin correcting my impulsive behavior, which as we all know is being done through a very healthy and much needed dose of DD; furthermore, based on the last couple of weeks I would have say that it's working better than anything else we've ever tried. On a mental level it feels absolutely amazing, because I'm forced to face the consequences of my actions instead of trying to transfer that blame to an innocent party. Now, not only does such behavior lead to something that's physically very painful, but it also forces me to really understand and examine how my actions made somebody else feel. With that comes a natural feeling of guilt, and to some degree shame, which are emotions that I've never really had to deal with properly in the past.

The spanking itself, to some degree, doesn't feel like the really important part. Don't get me wrong, it's a very necessary part, and it needs to be excruciatingly painful, because that drives what I would conceive to be the higher purpose. I don't know about anybody else, but based on my last couple of spankings - especially last nights - the thought process after the first few very painful strokes turns into a very blurry, time stopping, mind numbing state of affairs. My thoughts cover such things as: please make it stop, I don't know if I can endure this much pain, and the classic I'm really sorry I won't ever do it again cliché! However, once the spanking has been delivered, and one is left with a very bruised, sore, marked, and throbbing behind that's when the real benefits behind the physical aspect begin to kick in – not just for myself, but for everybody else around me.

For me at least, I'm left feeling as though I was definitely punished for what I did, and a form of correctional justice was delivered fairly. I also feel a sense of remorse for doing whatever I was disciplined for, and that reinforces a sense of guilt; however, instead of the guilt be emotionally oppressive it feels a lot more healthy, because that guilt drives and reinforces the importance of not doing it again. I'll never be perfect, and I'm bound to slip up, probably doing what I did yesterday again at some point; however, I will almost guarantee that it won’t happen any time soon, where as before I might have done it again today, tomorrow, and next week without feeling any real lasting consequences.

That's why I think this works for us. It may not work or anybody else, but that doesn't matter. What does matter is that I can see already how this is going to dramatically affect our marriage in a very positive way. Based on what J has said this morning, then I think she is also in full agreement. She doesn't especially like spanking my butt, but she agrees that the benefits justify the hardship on her part - sheesh, wish I could have such an easy hardship, she should try my end!

The reality of a DD relationship has really set in now, and knowing that I face an extremely painful spanking  whenever I'm irresponsible, disrespectful, hurtful, and annoying is pretty scary; however, it's also very satisfying, in that I know I will be a better person for it. I don't like being spanked, not in a punishment way at least, but given that there seems to be nothing else that motivates and inspires me to be a better person, then I'll happily, and without question, always submit to J's disciplinary hand for as long as she feels it’s of a positive benefit to our marriage. For that I feel blessed, grateful, and very happy - in a scary, are you insane kind of way!

As for tonight's scheduled pre-beach preemptive warning, I'm a little scared going in with bruises, but I also know that I should get one. I would much rather head to the beach with a nice blistered butt, than suffer a much more severe spanking when we get back; furthermore, I still didn't take care of the yard like I said I would, I made a couple of bad food related choices this week, and while the time wasting wasn't anywhere close to what it was last week, there still was more than there probably should have been. In short, I'm not expecting J to go easy on me, and she shouldn't. I'll regret being honest about that the instant she starts spanking me with no mercy tonight, but you reap what you sow as they say. I have no clue what she has in store, but it wouldn’t surprise me if all of the implements made an appearance to some degree.

On a side note, and for some stupid reason, I reminded her that she will have her hairbrush with her at the beach, so worst case she could always drive me to some place remote and make a quick attitude adjustment. I'm not sure, but I swore I saw a twinkle in her eye when I said that. Given how big her handbag is, it’s not like it wouldn’t fit. The day that I see her checking her bag to make sure that she had her hairbrush with her at all times, will be the day that I know J is really starting to embrace her DD role. Personally, I would love to see that transformation, but another part of me is screaming at me to be careful what I ask for, again!

So Close, Yet So Far!

Inevitably the time would come when I would, sooner or later, screw up and do something which J really has a zero tolerance policy for. That time turned out to be this evening, so I was told to assume the position across the low chair; however, I knew that this time I wouldn't be getting off so lightly. Not after last weeks disappointing result.

What's worse is that I knew I have pre-beach warning spanking coming my way tomorrow, and I nearly made it with a non-bruised butt. Now I know that I'm facing a spanking with a very bruised ass tomorrow night, and I'm very nervous. However, I fully deserve what came my way, and I think I can say it was my first very very real punishment spanking. J was not messing about with this one!

J let me keep my underwear on, or more to the point she didn't make any demands for them to be removed, so I kept them up! Not that it did me much good mind, she has obviously been reading and paying attention to all of my recent blog entries. Sure enough that nasty, yet really pretty, paddle was in her hand waiting for my immediate compliance to assume the position before her. Within moments she let loose, for what I can honestly say, has been the most painful spanking that I've had in my life. The real worrying thing there was that I knew that my infraction was fairly bad in her eyes, but it was still small by a lot of standards. If I ever make her really mad, or fail to do any tasks that she thinks is extremely important, then I know that I’m heading for a world of real severe pain. J most definitely did not hold back, and according to her, she rained down 35 really hard punishing swats onto my ass cheeks. I lost count myself after the first five, and I very nearly, for the first time ever, started to cry from a spanking. That's something that I had never experienced before, and that in itself was very emotionally liberating for me. Had she continued for much longer I would probably have been sobbing like a little girl. It took me a few moments to get up after she had finished, and it was very evident that I already had some serious bruising. Three hours after the fact my ass is still throbbing, and I can feel really feel the bruises now. Rest assured that was a lesson I don't want to repeat in a hurry!

Of course, J being the loving compassionate wife that she is now feels sorry for my poor hiney. I think in time she will harden up, at least I hope so. I was extremely proud of her, and I have a very healthy respect for her as a strong woman and a loving disciplinarian wife. The problem was dealt with immediately, very effectively, and I would even go as far as to say with the perfect severity. There was no discussion, it was get your ass over here now and assume the position. The only possible suggestion that I could even make to improve her technique, would have been to turn me around halfway through, and repeat the same intensity and count to make sure that both cheeks were equally punished and bruised. Very proud of you honey!

The real test for J will come tomorrow night, and whether she lets her compassionate leniency kick in. Given that our time at the beach is likely going to be a testing week for us all, what with family being as it is an all, I don't think she was planning on going easy on me. Now that I'm definitely bruised up, we will have to see how that affects her. Personally, I hope she can get past that, and be the strong no-nonsense disciplinarian that I know she can be. It's entirely my fault that I now sit here very well bruised, so she shouldn't let that alter whatever it is that she has in store for me tomorrow.

J, I love you so much - thank you for caring enough about me to take me in hand tonight.

Bottom’s Up!

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Timed vs. Stroke Count vs. No Limits

Last weeks motivation spanking, while it really hurt while it was being dished out, probably wasn't as effective as J had hoped. To some extent I would probably have to agree, more so because there was little to no bruising left as a reminder on the days that followed. Also, following my post from yesterday about offensive language, I'm starting to wonder if punishment spankings would be better suited to a more structured approach. By that I'm refering to them being set for a set number of strokes, or set against a preset time limit, as opposed to being freely open like they currently have been.

There are a couple of reasons why I think this should be considered, and note that I say considered, because once again this is really up to J to decide on what she thinks is best.

One of the benefits is that it removes that need for J to have to make a judgement call on when enough is enough, which I think is something that she us struggling with right now.

Another is that it would allow J to allot set times, or the amount of strokes, for each category of offense. Say for example I hadn't exercised that week, and to J that was a very serious offense on her list, then she could then say that added 5 minutes onto my motivation spanking clock with what she deemed to be the most severe of all her implements. Failing to cut the grass might be a more mild annoyance where she is concerned, so she might judge that to be worth 45 seconds with a less severe implement, or even a set number of strokes.

The downside is that it initially requires J to set predetermined times/strokes for the offenses that we’ve agreed upon. Although I guess there would be nothing from stopping her to decide on the fly. This also then allows for repeat offenses, like not cutting the grass, to steadily keep increasing in duration/stroke count each week until the task is actually completed like she originally asked. There's also probably no reason why she couldn't continually adjust her estimates as well - for example, if after the first week she felt that 5 minutes with the paddle wasn't close to being sufficient for not exercising, then she could decide that it needs to be adjusted up to 6 minutes, etc.

Another possible drawback is that this type of system will probably require her to take some form of note, so as to provide her with a reminder of strokes or times for each type of offense - which again implies some extra work on J's part, and might need continual editing should repeat offenses occur that mean an increase in the following week. Not that I think it would be that big of a deal really.

For really serious infractions, ones where I've pushed so many of her buttons that she is about to explode, then the open time format still has it’s place, because then she can then punish me for as long as she feels necessary, or until my ass finally turns the shade of black and blue that she feels is appropriate under the circumstances.

This raises the interesting question, which is better, timed, stroke counted, or no limit spankings? To some extent, for me personally, stroke counted is the most desirable, because mentally I'm dealing with a known factor. For J, I think counted would make her job easier, especially where minor infractions are concerned – such as the offensive language, and minor chores not being completed on time, etc. Timed, I'm not sure, because 5 minutes can seem like an eternity when your butt is being paddled, caned, or belted; furthermore, you could end up getting 20 strokes, or 100 strokes, because it is heavily dependant upon J's momentum. To that end, timed spankings are definitely more torturous on a mental level, but can in some cases offer that hope of not getting as many as you would had you been subjected to a count based spanking. Although I highly doubt the J would allow that to be the case. No limit spanking has to be the worst, for obvious reasons; however, if she's that pissed off at me to feel the need to apply one of those to my butt, then chances are that I did something very bad. So, to some degree that level of severity is probably warranted. Also, I would rather get a really severe spanking, and then be able to apologise sincerely so that we can then put it behind us and move on - as opposed to us being pissed off with each other for a couple of days.

Anyway, those are my initial thoughts on this topic. What J decides to do is entirely down to her, and I trust her judgment implicitly. I also appreciate that if she does pick up any of these suggestions, then there might also be a period where timings, or counts need to be adjusted to ensure the correct balance and intended severity.

And You’re Asking Me, Why?

Having posted two posts today already, I wasn't planning on posting this one, but something just came up. Furthermore, I vowed to myself that I would be openly honest about my feelings and reactions on this journey with J - not only for my benefit, but also for J's, even if that lands me in a heap of trouble.

Yes, I know, a post title like that just has to be asking for trouble, and I'm a little concerned about posting it tonight; however, if I don't then I'm effectively cheating the system, and what's the point in that. I just admitted succumbing to a character flaw the moment J's back was turned, and one that I really hate about myself - in this case it was being weak willed, and seemingly inability to control the impulse to resist temptation when it was staring me in the face. Granted it wasn't anything major in this case, and was actually as innocent as eating a packet of candy when I said that I wouldn't. So, like so many of my problems it revolves around a deeper problem of honesty and integrity, the fact that it was just candy is really not the point.

Anyway, the main reason for the post really came about because J's response to that small confession was to ask me if I needed some motivational assistance, so as to remind me that being so weak willed in the future would be a bad plan, and that little voice in my head responded with the only sane answer - no, I'm good thanks! To J's credit, that was followed by a response to the effect of: do it again and discipline will be dished out. Which is fine, and she handled the whole thing fairly well.

So what's the point of this post? The point is that she asked me if I needed a spanking. That shouldn't really have happened. If she had said straight away that any further infractions along that line would lead to a spanking, then I probably wouldn't be posting this. A punishment should never be my choice. I've agreed to submit to J's decision whatever that may be. If she felt that one was in order then she should have left me no choice, but I think in this case her caring compassionate side intervened. She'll get the hang of this soon, she gave me some indications that I was walking a thin line this evening - something that she hasn't done in the past. Just hope that I'm not going to make her too effective, otherwise I'll never be able to sit down!

Just to clarify, I don't think her judgment was wrong. She issued a clear warning for future transgressions, but it was the way that the warning was given that I think is the issue.

Choices, Choices…

Wow, that picture contains a lot of implements, and thank God it’s not J’s collection – although a small part of me thinks that could be secretly cool, in a scary kind of way!

The picture, which I came across when searching for a picture for one of my other blog entries, got me thinking about implements, and which ones that I prefer / hate. The voices are screaming at me that this is a stupid post to make, because I know J will read it, and it gives her information that she doesn’t need to be know – especially when a severe spanking is being dished out. Unfortunately, the other side of my brain thinks it’s information that J should be aware of, because it will make her more effective as my loving disciplinarian wife.

This may also be premature, because J (presently) only has a choice of five implements:

• Paddle
• Cane
• Crop
• Belt
• Hairbrush

Given that she has yet to even use the belt or hairbrush on me, I cannot say with any certainty where they fall in the line up; however, I have a feeling that the belt has the potential to be the most painful and most effective. Only time will tell on that one. Same goes with the hairbrush, J hasn’t had the cause or the opportunity to use that yet, but I think given the smaller surface area on the business end it could end up pretty high on the list.

The remaining three have been applied in the last week or so. The paddle is pretty mean, and again has the potential to be very severe in its application once J gets more comfortable with it. When applied with more force it will definitely leave deep bruises, and it hurts like hell – even more so if J gets comfortable enough to get a momentum going. Something that I think she has yet to do fully, but I’m pretty sure it’s coming. At present, this is my least favorite implement, mainly because if J gets a momentum going, and unleashes a flurry of swats with little to no pause, it hurts like nothing I can even begin to describe. It’s definitely an effective punishment implement.

The cane, to some degree, is my favorite right now, because there is usually a pause between strokes. Also, based on J’s technique, it’s currently the one that is guaranteed to leave marks and bruises that last a couple of days. Which for me is desirable, because I then get to feel it for a couple of days after, and it reminds me to behave. On the other side, it can also rank up there with the paddle, because the cutting strokes are also really painful and a lot more concentrated than those of the paddle. So, really the cane is a weird one for me, I like it and hate it at the same time. It’s still a very effective implement in J’s hands, and I’m not sure if she’s using full force or not right now.

The crop pretty much falls into the same category as the cane, because it inflicts the same feelings and effects.

It will be interesting to see how J progresses over the coming months. I have a nervous excited anticipation for an experience with the belt, but I’m sure that will change the moment J lands the first stroke. Not sure I want any part of the hairbrush!