As much as I would like to say that I can take a good spanking with grace and dignity, the truth is far from it. I have a very hard time staying in position, and to say that I’m a little on the vocal side would be an gross understatement – it’s actually quite embarrassing to my ego if truth be told, although J seems to find it slightly amusing.
For me personally it’s actually fairly frustrating and irritating, because I so desperately want to remain in place; however, the moment J starts landing those implements on my behind my resolve breaks down almost instantly, and before I know it I’m either standing up, wiggling around like an idiot, or putting my hands over my butt to try and delay the next inevitable painful thwack. Granted, J still manages to deliver an effective punishment spanking, but I have no doubt that it would be even more effective and painful without all of the delays and blocking that I throw at her.
Is this something that I can train myself to do, and if so then how? Before each spanking I delude myself into thinking that I will take it like a man, and then the next thing I know that man has packed his bags and is laughing at me as he runs out of the door. Sure, J could make a rule that she starts over if I get out of position, but if every fiber of my being is yelling at me to make it stop, how would that help? Is it a will power thing? If she kept starting over would it break me down enough to make me stay in position, or would it be the spanking that never ends? Honestly, I just don’t know if I could ever do it, even though I want to, because I clearly lack the necessary will power and fortitude to do so.
The obvious answer would be take the ‘choice’ of breaking position away from me altogether, and resort to using some form of restraint system. I would love to invest in some type of spanking bench, but that’s not really a viable option and not one that I think J would want to run with, which I guess just leaves cuffs and/or rope. I’m not really sure where J stands on that, and I haven’t really tried to find out. The thought of being immobilized, with no escape from the painful onslaught of J’s delivery, is quite honestly a scary one; however, another part of me (the insane crazy masochistic side) keeps reminding me that it’s meant to be painful, it’s meant to really hurt, and it’s a punishment – that side of me has a point I suppose, although I’m hesitant to acknowledge it!