Nervous Anticipation

So I know that I have a maintenance / warning spanking coming my way on Thursday, to ensure that I'm reminded of what waits for me when we get back from the beach if I decide to play up. Knowing that it's coming, at least for me, is far worse than having one hang over my head on a daily basis if I misbehave. It's actually very weird, because it seems to play havoc with my mind. I know it's going to be a punishment spanking, I know that it's really going to hurt, and whats worse is that after Saturdays spanking I don't think J will will be holding back as much. I just have this voice in the back of my mind saying that she is going to want to leave a memorable impression this time, if for no other reason than to make a point, but I could be wrong. Which is the problem, I have little voices in the back of my mind torturing me, so with every day that passes a feeling of nervous anticipation keeps on building. It certainly feels like a powerful psychological tool, and one that could be very well utilized on J's part if she saw it the same way. Having her come up behind me, giving me a quick swat with her hand, and then having her whispering to me that I was going to feel the painful intensity of whatever instrument she favored at her earliest convenience, before walking away like nothing had just happened could be a somewhat torturous experience.

Making that anticipation worse, because I seem to be a glutton for punishment, I've made J aware of my curiosity with the belt. To the extent that I hung one up in her closet along side the cane - I really can be an idiot sometimes. My brain finally caught up with my impusive mistake this morning, so I gave my hand a quick swat with it, and I'm starting to think that I've made a big mistake, because that thing freakin hurts! Like no kidding Sherlock, what was you expecting? Anyway, given that I acted before thinking it through, and given that she's probably already seen the belt hanging, it's probably too late to retract that as a tool in her slowly growing arsenal of weaponry to keep me in line. I don't dare take it down in case she thinks I purposely hid it, but I also don't know for sure if she has seen it - I'm in mental anguish here! There again, J's a big softy, so she might allow me to take it back down - yeah I know, wishful thinking. The only thing that I probably have going for me, where the belt is concerned, is that she hasn't used one before, so her unpracticed technique might initially give me some reprieve.

I think this morning was about as close as I've come to getting an on the spot behavior spanking, because I realized, after the fact, that I was probably bordering on the edge of disrespect. Making J set the alarm for 8am, then pretty much ignoring it, and waiting for her to get up was probably a little disrespectful. Luckily, J still seems to be in her happy lenient frame of mind, so I got away with that one. I wouldn't say that it's confusing, but the boundary line is still a tad blurry in terms of knowing what I can and cannot get away with. I'm wary of testing the boundaries, because I know my butt would seriously pay for it. So far I've been lucky enough to have not yet to crossed over the behavior line, forcing her to send a behavior spanking my way. To some extent, that is having a similar effect on me in regards to anticipation, because I don't really know what to expect from one of those types of spankings. On saying that, it probably isn't something I want to find out, and will to some degree depend on how pissed off she is with whatever I do. What's worse, is that she's starting to get clued in on severity, as well as technique.