Ready To Hit The Reset Button!

I’m long overdue on making a blog post here, but for various reasons we seem to have hit some kind of roadblock or set back on the DD front - or at least it appears that way; however, as per usual it’s not quite as clean cut as that, because various comments from J this week seem to indicate that if I wasn’t sick and floating on Nyquil my ass would be well and truly blistered right now. So to some extent I’m getting a lot of mixed messages, and I’m not sure where we stand right now.

The short of it is that for a multitude of reasons, where both of us have been at fault, the last three weeks or so we haven’t really been connecting on and emotional level in our relationship. It’s clear that feelings have been hurt on both sides due to a variety of unrelated events, and that for the most part has caused us both to pull back emotionally. I’m guilty of letting myself wallow in negative feelings and letting them fester for so long, and to be blunt, J is guilty of tolerating and letting me get away with it. As a direct result it’s very evident that reoccurrences of bad habits, behaviors, disrespect, passive aggressive bullshit, and emotional manipulation on my part have all resurfaced. I think to some degree she seems to have lost that edge of disciplinary confidence, an edge that she had just started to take hold of prior to her surgery. Sitting here now I can honestly say that I miss that edge, and I hope that she reclaims back that authoritative demeanor very soon.

It would be easy for me to look back and start criticizing J, but that wouldn’t be fair – especially when I share an equal amount of guilt over where we are right now; however, it does seem fairly clear that so much of the bullshit, frustration, and unhappiness over the past three or so weeks could have been curtailed quickly had J just taken me in hand, and actively demonstrated that she wasn’t going to tolerate it anymore. That doesn’t mean she is solely to blame for where we now find ourselves, because I need to take ownership of my actions, attitudes, and behaviors which seem to have dragged this out for so long. All I can say at this point is that I’m ready to start over, because I don’t like where we are right now and this needs to stop. Hopefully we can learn from the last couple of weeks, and not allow it to happen again.

So, at this point it feels like we are at a definitive set of crossroads, where J has the opportunity to reflect and re-evaluate where she is in regards to DD, and also the implications behind that evaluation. I also think that the past couple of weeks have clearly demonstrated that, like marriage, DD isn’t going to be an easy road to travel. Clearly, in order for it to be effective and to work, it’s also going to take work and effort on both our parts. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you view it, at times that is also going to mean stepping outside of our comfort zones – but isn’t that what makes us grow?

Not Quite Back To Normal, Yet!

Well, it's been close to three weeks since J's surgery, and she is still in what I would consider to be recovery mode. Having said that, last week she removed any doubt from my mind that she could still wield a paddle if necessary, and gave me a quick taste to prove it. Admittedly, it was obvious to us both afterwards that I got off quite lightly, but that's fine given that I was more worried about J popping a stitch. Luckily for me she didn’t bring out the cane, and I say luckily because I’ve yet to experience it now that we’ve possibly pinpointed the flaw in her delivery technique. Something tells me the next caning from J will be a lot more severe.

Anyway, even though she says that she is feeling fine, I still find myself wanting to err on the side of caution - especially where any form of strenuous spanking activity is concerned. Granted, she has made a couple of comments this week to indicate that she thinks I'm long overdue a good hard spanking, but nothing has transpired. I'm hesitant to suggest that J has taken a step back in terms of authority and control, but the comments this week have been more passive than usual and it does make me wonder a little.

On saying all of that, we knew that the weeks after the surgery would possibly set us back a little where DD is concerned; however, her recovery is going well, and it does seem clear that J doesn't want to let go of the DD that we started to establish prior to surgery. This would be an ideal time for her to just let it all slide and forget about it, but based on the comments and hints that doesn’t seem to be the case. As strange as it is, I must admit I do miss her stricter, no-nonsense, Southern Belle demeanor that was starting to take shape prior to the surgery; however, I’m sure it will be back soon enough – at least I hope so.